Forgotten

My, how things can change. One moment you're dancing with champagne and next your hung over on the couch with no good memories. It hurts to be alone. I need to feel something. I'm a cold mess.

{Command[life]} == Erase

Can I write a code for life? Can I make this sky purple or change this grass to razors? If I had all the power that a code gives me, I would write a new life for myself. I could be prettier. My eyes could be more blue, I could be thinner, why can't I just love who I am now? What did I do to warrant so many tears? I've been through a lot in my life and fear it may not be over. My doubts never cease and I'm starting to think this life is doomed to repeat. All I want is these terrible memories to leave. Why can't I forget? Why is his voice still clear in my head? Why must I be so tormented? What did I do? Please Hero, save me from the torment of these memories. Hold me close and make me forget. I don't want to remember.

Crazy Things Happen

Sometimes it's the ones you love that break you. Sometimes love's wound can bleed. Do you understand how much love can hurt? I've seen some crazy years, seen some terrifying worlds. Love can twist your understanding of time, warp your understanding. Start a fever, start a fire, start a need, start a want. Start something new that you can't finish. I'm warped like old wood. I'm cracked like a peice of glass. I'm lost in woods. I'm terrified for what may lay in store. My lover, my friend. My captor, my hero.

A Dinner Party

Help me mix the brew, time to give everyone a scare. Throw a party and we'll all have a jolly good time. May I have this dance? Now the main event. Ladies and Gents, There's something special in your tea. Made it myself. Now they say that life is short but all of you won't know the true meaning of just how short life can be. Cheers to your demise.

It's Us?

She's telling me to give up, to grow up. World is spinning and I'm not ready to let yesterday go. They're telling me it's not gonna last, that only a child thinks on love. Everyone is telling me something bad. I'm a child, I'm gonna fail, I need to move on but most of all, they're tell me to leave you. I'm looking for answers but this new life is more confusing than I would like. There are no real options and I'm gonna explode the next time someone asks what I'm doing with my life. Well I'm a screw up. I'm not an adult and I don't want to be. The only thing I'm ever certain of anymore is you. You're there and within reach. Though I have to admit, I feel like I'm at this on my own.

You Won't Notice

When I put on my mask, no one can tell. I'm dancing with her, now you, them, and you'll never know who was just holding your hand. My mask is colorful with glitter and stars. All you can see are my blue eyes. As we dance, you'll keep guessing. I won't tell but I'm your prince, your princess, lover, friend. I'm your dream. Behind this mask, I'll be anyone and you'll fall in love with a stranger. All the things you wanted to hear, all the lies I could tell just to make you smile. For one night, you'll feel like a queen in my company. Don't doubt me, just know I can. Forever and ever. I'll dance around your dreams. Just don't lift my mask.

Dark Paradise

They tell me to forget your face, forget the memories, forget those nights. Yet every time I close my eyes, it seems you're staring back at me. When you haunt my dreams, I don't want to wake up no matter how much they hurt. I've tried to let go before and all it did was get me in trouble. So I've just settled with the fact that I'm never going to fully let you go, at least not for a long while yet. It's going on three years since you left and here I am, still writing in my notebooks, still wishing on stars. One day I'll finally forget you. Maybe then, it won't hurt anymore.

Fly Away

Some days, he comes to pass in my dreams. Always cryptic just like he was. Again, my angel was in my dreams and again, I was happy to see his face. This time though, my Angel was searching for someone who loved him more than anything. He asked a teller and the teller told him that the girl he looked for was closer than he knew. My angel walked out screaming that he would find her. If only he had known that I was just around the corner watching him from afar.

I Refuse....

I refuse to think that the possibility of having full equality in the world would cause anything. I refuse to think that some of my family wouldn't support the decisions I make. I refuse to think that my mom is dying. I refuse to think about the people who have screwed me over or the thought of war. For now, I refuse to think that the world is as bad as it is because maybe in the morning, I can deal with the hate, the pain, the torment and the loss. Maybe in the morning, I'll see the love that I missed today. I await the day when I'll be proud of the world I live in. So just for tonight, I'm going to curl up under my covers and pretend that's it's going to be all right.

When The Tricks Are Gone

When my pretty face withers, will you still kiss it? When my lips aren't rosy, will they still weave magic for you? Today, I have my looks and today, I am beautiful. No matter what anyone says, I know I am beautiful. One day soon, I won't have these looks anymore, my voice will crack and my eyes will reflect my sadness. There will be a day when no one will look twice at me and when that day comes, will you still be there? When the magic is gone, can you handle this broken heart? Today I play with their hearts but tomorrow, I'll be watching from the outside. Will you watch with me?

My New Life

I knew it was trouble when we kissed. As soon as our lips touched, I felt my control slip away in an instant. Were we ever meant to be? I hope so because I don't think I can take another 'goodbye'. Some nights I stay up all night for no reason but I know you're on my mind. I've thought a lot about my past mistakes and I'm trying not to let that define me. I've got quite a few scars and I'm not sure you understand how many of my cuts still bleed. I just don't want to mess this up. I've been through quite a lot. I've been cheated on and tormented, been played and I'll admit I played some people. Love's been this big game for a while, a game I tend to lose no matter how hard I try. I've cried too many tears and I've got this shell that I retreat to. I've been this way for a long time now and it's not good. So I'm making some changes, dealing with this new body. I'm weak and I'm slowly coming to terms with that. So forgive me if you see my shell when I get scared. Forgive me for the wide places my head goes when I'm not focused. Forgive the things I do without warning and forgive my mood swings when I'm not that stable. You've been so nice to me and without even trying, you've stolen my heart. I want you to keep it and I'm gonna do anything in my power to keep it in your hands. Things are going to get hard and harder still. I don't know how to fix your problems but I can promise Ii can always be there when you need me. I want to be the perfect girl but that's not gonna happen. So just play nice. My hero.

Dark Dreams and Dream Catchers

I'm asking for a gift, but I don't know if you can give it. It's not much but sometimes I feel like it's too much. Just a small little gesture. See, I don't know if you can tell but I'm about as a confident as you are. I get really sad when I'm alone and it's been this way for a long time now. At night, I get really sad. My mind drifts off to the dark places where my old memories are stored. I'm quite needy, quite vulnerable. So I need something from you. When the stars are high and my sadness starts, can you be there? Could you calm me with your arms? Would you hold me tight? I just need you for one night, just one to let me know that I am not alone.

Silence In The Light, Speak Again Tonight

I wait for the words that hold me together. Every heartbeat suspended when the silence hits. The paranoia hits me in waves and I keep myself occupied. These feelings keep me on edge and as much as I don't want to think about it, I can only assume the worst. When he's gone, I find myself constantly pacing. Everything is telling me something is wrong. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me it's nothing, because I'm scared that it's happening again. Maybe this is why I shouldn't be left alone. When the sun sets, I find solace in my dreams of you. We talk as your arms wrap around me. But morning has to come and it's all the same. My dearest hero, never leave my dreams.

Shy Girl's Lover

She's so small, you wouldn't see her in the crowd. She wears all the colors of the rainbow to stand out, yet she's still just a shadow in the background. People use her and abuse her. Her heart's been tormented, broken and strangled so she knows how to find real love by now. She's got a lot to offer to a friend who will see her. Every day, she walks those halls, being bumped and knocked down over and over but when that last bell rings, that shy girl becomes someone again. For there, across the lot is a silver chariot with a hero ready to see her. She slides in and he notices her. He loves her smiles, loves her eyes, loves her skin. He sees the things that no one else sees in this one girl. When the whole world walks by her, he stops and asks for her hand. He's a shy boy, no one saw him before her. Now they are over looked by most but the eyes on them as they kiss, they see that this is no normal love. This shy girl found her shy boy. Gave him her daring heart and kissed away his pain. He's her lover, that strange hero.

The Odd One

We're the targets, everyone blaming us. We're the gamers, escaping reality on every console. We're the dreamers, making up the future we want. We're the odd ones yet I couldn't be happier just like that. You and I, we're gonna run fast toward the sun. For us, the world is wide open, never ever limiting ourselves. We've got the killer smiles and the worst jokes, yet I wouldn't change a thing. After all the hell we've been through, after the hard times and the never-ending tears, we know that it's time to look up and smile. Fight our way to the happy days. Fight our way to the summer memories and the winter smiles. I'll fight for you, you'll fight for me and we'll get to where we're going. Because we're the targets, no one wants our problems. We're the gamers, laughing and playing games. We're the dreamers, always getting back on track. We're the odd ones yet I couldn't be happier just like that.

Goodnight

The sweet kisses across my neck, the playful nibbles on my collar, the soft skin brushing against mine as I sleep. He doesn't know it, but I'm still wide awake when he falls asleep. I listen to his breath, deep inhales of sweet air. It calms me. He doesn't know it, but I watch him when he sleeps, his face relaxed as his dreams take him far away. It takes me a while to fall asleep and sometimes, I just pretend just to hear him talk without having to worry about me. I like to pretend that I'm not there, that I'm just watching as he goes about his life. Every now and then, I come out of the shadows just because I can't be so far away from him. It became a need, to smell his skin, to hear his voice, feel his soft hands. I wonder how I got here, after so much pain caused by my own hands, how did I get this?

Dancing On Top Of The Flames

I won't back down without a fight. I refuse to just back out. This is my match and I'm gonna win that prize. I've never been a very honorable person but this is my second chance and I won't let them crush it. They keep talking but I'm the one with a machine gun. "Go on and talk!" I shout into the open air. "This is my game, time to play my cards, you know you don't have a chance." My weaponry is open and the ammo is well stocked. Sometimes, you have to be your own hero. I'll let him rest, he's fought well. Now this is one battle no one else can fight. I've got this. Be it Magician or Devil, I'll be ready. Anyone who tried to rip me down, they're gonna get burned by my flames. I have the gasoline in my veins and this war can go on for as long as you want. Keep getting up, I'll keep hitting harder. You can't win this. All those lies you told them, it's coming back for you. I'll get my forces back up. It my fault for getting lazy, thought I was secure but I can quickly remedy that. You are nothing but a puppet and I'm gonna cut you off your strings. Face me if you dare and bring your whole army cause I'll win and you know it.

A Dark Dream

My eyes drifted along the ground. Everything seemed so lost, my whole life up in the air. I've cried all I could and I've lost so much. When all seemed hopeless, I knew there had to be a reason. Some bigger purpose. I couldn't place it, could understand why I felt there had to be something more. I felt a hand over my shoulder, someone with a blurred face. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say but I knew he had to be smiling. That was when I knew that I was fighting to meet him. The person I was to be with for the rest of my life. I knew nothing about him, only that his hand was all the comfort I needed to keep going. Now I search for him. Through all the trouble that I have been through and all that I have caused, I know that I am looking for this person. Maybe I've already met them, maybe I've broke their heart. I might be with them, I might meet them soon. I just know I will end my life next to this person.

Green Lightning Strikes

A flash across the skies above, the air changes and love can be love again. No more pointless games, no more stupid tricks, just love the way it should be. When our eyes meet, it's nothing but pure. Someone who will miss me. Someone who saved me from pointless love. One willing to fight on every plain for me. Sweet cherry love from one brave enough to fight. All this time, I should have known. His sword drawn, blessed with my heart, forward he will march. I will fight alongside him. I'm tired of forever not meaning forever. So I will fight with him for as long as I can.

A Letter To The Hearts

Dear Prince, I think it's time to tell you how proud I am of how far you have come. After all these years, it's still a little hard some days. You started something and even helped me become who I am today. I still remember the days we spent together, laughing all the time. I wonder what happened. I never understood why I ended up hurting you when all you ever did was make my day so much better. You did rescue me over and over. I don't think you will ever understand just how sorry I really am for hurting you. Dear Angel, The lessons you taught me still ring in my head. If anything, you were a teacher more than a heart-breaker. You convinced me to start writing again and I don't think the amount of joy I have gained from that will ever repay you. I know I kept bugging you and honestly, I'm still going to wish you happy birthday every year just so you know I haven't forgotten what you said over that phone. I haven't seen you in years and I don't think I'll ever see you again but if I did run into you, I would start up the conversation. Wouldn't bring up the bad points, just ask how life is going for you. Dear Human, Although my adventures with you weren't too long ago, it still feels like a distant memory. You were the normal one after a batch of crazy rides. We made all kinds of promises and I'm still gonna hold you to a few. Just a few months ago, we were at the ball and now talking is awkward between us. You were a great friend all those years ago and I hope that you can be my friend again. I never thought I would end up leaving but things happen in both our lives. I'm sorry for all the pain I still am causing but at least we can still smile and laugh together. At least we have our memories. Dear Magician, Now you are one letter I never thought I would ever write. Mainly because I would like to blame you for everything bad that happened between us. You are all kinds of stupid yet that's what makes me laugh. I will admit to causing most of the issues. You made me feel alive yet a corpse at the same time. I shouldn't have changed myself just for you, should have shown you who I really am. Live and Learn. Now you're gone, another heart I don't feel I rightfully broke. Somethings aren't planned and how we ended, wasn't planned at all. Yet I still thank you for the wild ride and the half the heart you gave. Dear Green Eyed Hero, I have yet to do anything against you and I hope I never do. I've learned that I need to be myself around you, and that's a little scary for me. I've formed a shell that keeps the threats away but it doesn't help when you need someone. Keeps the love out too. So I'm letting you see me, which I haven't done for a long time. If you should ever decide to let me go, be nice about it because how this ends determines if I will ever open up again. So far, every day has been fantastic and that worries me. I'm waiting for something to go wrong because this is too good. One day I may see that it really is that good. I may do weird things and I'm rather childish. It may take some time to get used to me and if I'm ever too much, just tell me to calm down. I hope this will be different but if it's not, you will forever hold a place.

Mark Of The Lost

Calm yourself little girl. Your time will come to fight those who torment. I'm sorry you cry tonight when you aren't the one to blame. My little girl, don't cry. Inside your mind is prince who can fight for you. We all know how scared you are, so I'll let you sleep while I fight these battles for you. You are too sweet to be in this cruel world. What with Demons and Devils, Magicians and Angels. The world is full of those who will hurt you but I will fight for you. I am part of you, the part that can take a hit. I can fight back and I will defend what is left of your sanity. So while you hold tight to your hero, I will fight off the monsters that still want to ruin what you have found. Be Yourself around him, let him love the real you. No one else knows you, knows all your little quirks so share that with someone. That hero with the green eyes, he's going to keep you safe. I can handle everything else, as long as you fall in love with someone who finally knows you.

Magic That Burns.

The smoke and mirrors, the last of the tricks yet his greatest ever. A Magician stealing the hearts that fall into his traps. He weaves the fiction they want and it's no use fighting, he'll draw you in without a second notice. My Lost little heart, another in his vast collection and while I have run far away, the euphoric feeling still haunts me. It's hard to break away from something so perfect even if you know it's not real. His wand casting spells on those just weak enough. Once the mirrors start to break, he hides away so the dust can settle. He can't be caught in the cross fire yet he can't be too far away from his puppets' lives. He keeps them on track, eating when he wants them to. Girls will do anything for perfection. If I hadn't found a hero, I would still be lost in the tangles of his lies.

Her Death

Her body went cold in his arms. Her eyes forever closed. This wasn't right, it's not supposed to go this way. He held on tightly just to share some of his life with her. His tears fell upon her lifeless body. He couldn't stand it, if he could, he would go back. Beg the devil to take him. Rain fell over both bodies masking his tears. Everything within him was falling apart. How would he go on? She was the only one he had ever loved. He begged God to save her, even if she was beyond saving. He studied her chilled face. Her lips were still as red as before but he knew they would taste different. Her eyes, closed, looked as if she was sleeping peacefully as she once did on long car rides. All those memories of her beautiful laugh, her stunning smile. Now he had no more chances to see her smile or hear her laugh. Everything he had ever cared about, shattered. Her skin was so smooth but the cold bite made him cry harder. This wasn't the girl he fell in love with. She was in heaven. This was just the body he knew. The body who curled up next to him every night. The body that gave soft and sweet hugs. This was just the body of the girl he always loved. He wished that he would've made that last day count. Gave her everything she ever wanted. Just one day. If only he knew. Although he couldn't see her, that woman of his dreams was right next to him, hugging tight and crying with him. She wanted him to see her. Wanted to ease the pain. She held on tightly as her lover cried over her body.

The Beat, That Bass

Out in the world, been rejected and suffocated. I hear something deep, feel it in my bones and I can't help but follow. The sweet sound of violins but that can't be it. I enter the club, so many people. Faces I knew, faces of torment and I'm ready to run away in fear. Then there's a pause and and then a drop I feel through my feet. My heart beats with it and I can't help but dance while that bass drops over and over. My heart alive and suddenly, the crowd is gone. It's just me dancing with a stranger. I know his face, I know this pull and before I can run away, the bass draws me to the green eyes. I don't give it a second thought as his arms wrap around me. Bass has me hypnotized into this lovers eyes and I'm not scared of anything, not focused at all. It's just me and him and it's perfect.

Kiss Me

A kiss is like redemption. When done correctly, you are left with beauty and perfection. You feel as if the world cannot hold you. Otherwise it leaves you feeling washed up and used. So I guess a kiss is also like sin. Either way it's a fine line.

Is It Over?

Sometimes, I just watch the night sky thinking over all the pain. I remember all the times I've looked out the window, wishing for different things every time. Now I lay here and I just want to feel alive. I've changed, my heart is on drugs. Turns out that the winning hand wasn't mine. I knew it would end up this way but I didn't derail this crazy train. It all comes down to what I really want and I wish I knew. I want a perfect love? No, I want I flawed love. Maybe. I have no idea what I want anymore. Just don't want to feel this pain anymore.

These Tears Will Fall

I must not cry, cannot show how much I regret. I have to stay strong but I wish I could fall apart. I wish I could just let all of the sadness I feel flow out of my heart. I want to cry, can't show how much I want to erase my life. I've been through so much just because I make the wrong decisions. My prince knew that I was crazy and I wish he could tell me what to do. Wish I had a human here to keep me calm. Wish I had an angel to help me fly and a devil to remind me how to keep the aces in my hand. I may cry, just not around those who make me cry. I won't let them win. After all I have been through to get where I am, I will follow through and find out what I should do. I'll let the mold change and I'll let them press me in but there will always be a part of me that won't conform no matter how hard they try. I will never let them crush me. I am, and forever will be, strong. I will cry, I will hurt but I will be strong. You can't crush me. Can't change me. I am forever, I am infinite. It's my turn to deal the cards.

Is It Wrong To Feel Nothing?

I know my heart is breaking, I know I didn't think this through. I acted without reason and I know some part of me is reacting, but I can't feel a thing. I'm not going to let myself feel this pain again. Shut off all emotions and pray they don't come up at the wrong time. I'll be okay. I've hurt the people I care most about and it seems like I can't do this anymore. I feel like life would be better if not lived by me. I won't lie, there is a part of me that doesn't want to live anymore but I can't give in. I'll keep running from what scares me and keep running from all these emotions. I'll run away.

The Summer Time

In all your life, the things you will remember will be the chances you took and the stupid things you did. So tonight, dance hard and laugh like you're five. After all this, I'm ready to make some mistakes and learn some new things. This feeling, I'm alive again and I missed this so much. Dance, cry, laugh, and have the best night of your life because we only get one chance at this. When you have the friends that make you laugh, do the things that scare you. Don't regret.

Tonight

I don't know what to say or think, don't know how to feel because everything reminds of what I gave up. I don't want to feel this way but I know this is how it should be. The night feels so much colder, the day is too bright and these noises are too loud. I feel like an infected wound, where the slightest breath of air burns against me. I've tried to block it all out but when I do, I can't feel anything because everything is his. A perfect human in a perfect world and I feel like an insect that needs to be killed. He doesn't seem to care and I can't tell what he's hiding. Just feels like I ripped off a limb. It's not impossible to block it out and I guess I could try but deep down I know that everything I do, everything I say, I will think of him.

Let's Keep It Up

Let's keep going, I mean why not? Not like there would be a good reason not to. Unfortunately, that logic requires there to be a reason to keep going and I wish there was. I feel my heart beating, feel the blood running and now I feel like I need to sprint. Need to get away from this world, need to fly off into the blue and gold stars. There's no reason to be mad, there's no reason to be upset but a part of me feels like it should. I'll never understand the human ways. My life going down, I feel swallowed into a sweet lake of sugar. I don't need help, I want to drown. I want to drown.

Alone is a Funny Feeling

All the fingerprints of those who changed me. Like footprints on the moon, no one can take away those feelings. I know the devil doesn't know what he put me through. Angel doesn't know how much he meant. A demon didn't know the hope he gave and a prince didn't know how he saved me. Soon, I will be lost to them. When they leave again, I don't know what I'll do. Every day, I just walk on, foot in front of the other. I have things on my mind and faces in my head. So much has happened and I wonder, am I ready for another summer? Two years ago, my summer turned my life upside down. I learned of the heart racing love of someone who didn't love you. It may seem strange but I miss the feeling. Heart racing, mind blurring infatuation. That must be what drove me off a cliff and honestly, I don't deserve the life I have and I'm not even sure if I want it anymore. I feel like a very heavy heart. When I wake up, I don't see much point in the day. I used to wake up wondering what the day would be. I miss adventure but I like the safety net I have. What would life be like to live on the edge again? I thought the same thing two years ago and I had the best summer. Should I let history repeat itself? And tomorrow, the last of what keeps me going will be gone. I have my human but I wonder when he will see the broken girl I have come to be. I wonder when he'll give up.

Diamonds In The Sky.

Love unconditionally and eternally. My heart races when I feel your eyes on me. I feel it in my blood, something so strong to obliterate all of my boundaries. My skin dancing with each kiss, can you feel it? As you hold me, it's like I couldn't do anything wrong. Your lips upon mine and instantly I want to cry. Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of sorrow, for everything I have ever done in my life. You don't know my pain, don't know the life I had before you and I pray you never see how broken I was. You are the only person to clean my wounds, to help them heal fast. When I hold your hand, it's like I'm a new person, not a scratch on my body. Amazing how a human like you, with no super powers could be so extraordinary.

Shooting Stars

I can feel my heart pounding, my skin electrified, all in the gaze of the blue eyes that I had overlooked ages ago. A human holding me close to his chest, his heart beating for only me. All alone in the dark, his arms wrapped around my heart. Still, quiet, just breathing together. Nothing needs to be said, just knowing that we are here. Nothing we can think of, just our love. Purple stars above, moving all around us. The beauty of the simple things. The daylight creeping behind curtains. No one exists outside our little room. No need for anyone else because at that moment, we have everything we could ever need. We are infinite.

Roses Tonight

I hold the dear flower close to my heart, feel the fading life absorb into my skin. The red leaks into my lips. Soft petals smooth my skin. My blood takes in the thorns of something so strong. A rose, a sweet little rose and I feel as though I could not compare. So small yet so much more than I could ever be.

Remember What You Did?

I look into the eyes of evil and the pain is unbelievable. The thoughts, the memories, the pain of it all rushing back. That night so long ago, how I thought it would never happen. The night air, the shadows that danced in the dark. I can't remember this, it's too painful. What he did to me, all the pain. That devil with his piercing eyes. His hands, the feel of each touch. Torment, sweet torment. When I think of him, I want to cry. I want to erase him. The devil that killed a part of me forever. Those eyes, those eyes.... they follow me. I can never escape the shame or regret for what happened to me. What he did will never be forgiven and I wish I could forget all of it. Even now, the very sight scares me, sends me into a cold place. His face, those eyes. I remember them so well. I remember the stare when he asked me to walk with him. I remember the soft words that made me feel safe. The eyes that watched me, broke me down, made me scream for him. He could only tempt the best, break them down until they had nothing left to look forward to. All this pain still left after these years. I can't let him go, he made sure that I would never forget him. A part of me will be forever trapped with him. Trapped in hell with the devil.

It's Even Darker Here

I remember a time when the night would bring me a bliss so divine. I remember when I craved the moon. Back when I had things to hide, a life that not many knew of. I remember feeling so in love with the moonlight lovers that found me. I remember the heartbreak and the insults. I remember the dark place I found. A place where it was always my dear night. I made a place where no person could hurt me, forever embraced my the lusty moon. I look back at those days and I get a little scared. That place in my head is still there and the need is still there but I can walk and enjoy the sunlight now. The day brings him closer to my skin. Sweet human drawn to the sun on my skin. I can hear something inside that wants to scream and run. Everything he is, it's every one of my fears. Somehow, I'm drawn to the fear, drawn to the heart racing romance. Almost as if my lusty midnight self found a way into the sun. I would like to say that I know this isn't me but I can't tell who I am anymore. All my dreams are falling and things are scary. I have friends, maybe two or three but not many can handle my outspoken nature and need to be a sarcastic bitch. I find this world to be too cold, too hot, and too painful. I miss my angel sometimes. I miss my devil and demon. I wonder what all this should be about? Who am I going to be? What is the point? I stand forever in the sun. I will get burned. This will hurt but I want to feel it myself and search this world for all that it is worth. I may travel to the very end and never find anything but I paved the path for someone else to. When I die, I'll go to a place that's warm with thunderstorms that take away your breath. Green grass and a home I've always loved. As for the story of me, there's not much I could leave out. I must make sure others don't make the same mistakes. Until the day I die, I want him to kiss me with that hunger in his eyes. I love that human and everything that he is.

Sweet Escape

When something inside you screams, listen. Your heart is telling you something. When you feel you cannot cry anymore, fix what made you cry. Nothing is forever but you can make it last as long as you live. For a human, I'd give my very being away if it meant one more day in his arms. The past doesn't have to hold you down, you can rise above your sins if you can admit to having committed them. I will not let myself fall. I have someone to stand by, someone who holds me close. My human is worth so much more than I can give but he settles for what I am. I shall not fall for the arms of one are keeping me safe. My sweet sweet human.

Empty

Drowning in the sea I created. Lost in a world all my own. Everything I love wants to leave me. My creative spirit is gone and all I can think of is if I could redo it all. If I could start over. I go through my head of all the things that have happened. The new year with a great smile. Valentine's Day with a valentine. Love that was fully returned. Everything feels broken and I can't stand to face the light of the next day to come. Everything I have done, I have done for a reason and for the first time, I feel like I cannot control my own fate. 'The heart does a slow death, shedding each joy until there is nothing. No hopes, no dreams.' I cannot begin to fathom the amount of pain I have caused nor can I attain for my actions but right now, I need the love of the human for whom I have done wrong. I feel I may lose the biggest part of my new found life.

Crashing

My heart is screaming what to do but I don't want to listen. Lost inside my human but I'm still waiting for something else. Looking for something to fall apart. When I look into the eyes of what has held me so tightly, I see nothing that could resemble safe. I like the pit but I'm in love again and again and maybe this will last. Maybe I'll win this. Maybe he will be the last. Or maybe this will fall apart in the wake of the blackness.

Of Knights and Day

Falling in love is never fairly easy. Finding the right person at the right time. To fall out of love is the trick. No matter how bad the relationship was, a part of you will still be in love, a part will still miss them. I wish that didn't have to be true. Here I sit, lost in my thoughts, my prince is still in my head. I try not to miss him, try not to bother him but in a way, I wish he was still mine. I know that we are forever apart but sometimes I want to rewind back into his arms. He always had a strong grip on my heart. I wish I could go back to that. I'm happy with my new life but my old life brought me here. Sometimes, it's hard to let go.

I'll run for you.

I would run away for you. Over the moon and into the stars, I would run for you. Leap over comets and sprint over planets if you called my name. I'll run away for you, my dearest because that's the person I am. My heart will never be pure and my head is full of bad things but if you called, I'd run away with you. Forever and eternally yours. I'd run for you if you wanted me to. Only because the ground I have to cover is never equal to how much I love and need you in my life.

I'll Close My Eyes.

All the things I see every day. Faces, expressionless and stone. A laugh is a rare thing in a world so cold. Love, something so pure, is subject to rules of the unholy. Things changed and the past is a reminder of how this will go if I don't stop it. But how can one change how she feels? My dreams remind me everyday that I'm doing something wrong. Something is wrong and my human cannot explain why this is. Lost, in and out of control. I want my heart to stop again. Want to feel that perfect love again but that passion has left me. Our relationship has become something that resembles what my prince did to me. I only have one to understand me, to help me, but his captor fears for her life that her own will be stolen out from under her. I judge other relationships only because I'm looking for a way to save my own. Where does the heart stopping love go when the couple has become too used to one another? I want to block it all out, pretend there isn't a thing wrong but I know there will always be a problem. I can't block it out. Wonderland has grown too far from my mind. I have to face real life or lose myself looking for a way out.

Please Let Me Go On

My sweet and unconditional. Tormentor of my thoughts every second of the day. Impossible for me to forget, impossible for me to accept this silence. I'm lost in words, wanting to feel what was never felt. Everything lost in my thoughts as I drown in nothing. I want to feel it again yet I need to let it go. Please don't shut out a feeling so divine. This is my last hope yet my biggest fear.

If I was lost.

If I was lost, would you find me? If I was dead, would you revive me? Love is weird. One moment, butterflies; the next, it's gone. Love is a fleeting image, if you will. There's something there but if you watch long enough, everything you thought you had is gone. It's a waste of time yet I seem to always get caught up in it. It's hopeless yet addictive. Almost like a fantasy. So lost is a little girl lost in the idea of love. She's learning the lessons that old men have to teach. Old hands touching her pure little body. No voice to scream. What does she know other than her lost scream. Broken, she gives up on 'love'. What is love but pain? She's dancing now for the same men that ruined her. They enjoy the little girl's body. How sweet her pale white skin is. How lost she looks up on the stage. But yet she dances still evermore shamed of the things she has done. This was not the life she wanted for herself. It's lost now and no amount of bath soaps can scrub away her pain. Tainted is the little girl who wanted nothing more than love.

If This Is It.

I've always been ready to face the problems my dear human has to offer. No supernatural to give me those kisses. No ghostly surprises. Just a human and nothing more. Yet with a human comes his need. Need for attention, need for excitement, need for more than I can offer. So as fast as this love started, I fear it may come to an end. This is turning out to be more work than I had thought but I will give this an honest try. I will give it my all so when this does end, I can say that this love was real.