Goodnight

The sweet kisses across my neck, the playful nibbles on my collar, the soft skin brushing against mine as I sleep. He doesn't know it, but I'm still wide awake when he falls asleep. I listen to his breath, deep inhales of sweet air. It calms me. He doesn't know it, but I watch him when he sleeps, his face relaxed as his dreams take him far away. It takes me a while to fall asleep and sometimes, I just pretend just to hear him talk without having to worry about me. I like to pretend that I'm not there, that I'm just watching as he goes about his life. Every now and then, I come out of the shadows just because I can't be so far away from him. It became a need, to smell his skin, to hear his voice, feel his soft hands. I wonder how I got here, after so much pain caused by my own hands, how did I get this?