A Dinner Party

Help me mix the brew, time to give everyone a scare. Throw a party and we'll all have a jolly good time. May I have this dance? Now the main event. Ladies and Gents, There's something special in your tea. Made it myself. Now they say that life is short but all of you won't know the true meaning of just how short life can be. Cheers to your demise.

A Dark Dream

My eyes drifted along the ground. Everything seemed so lost, my whole life up in the air. I've cried all I could and I've lost so much. When all seemed hopeless, I knew there had to be a reason. Some bigger purpose. I couldn't place it, could understand why I felt there had to be something more. I felt a hand over my shoulder, someone with a blurred face. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say but I knew he had to be smiling. That was when I knew that I was fighting to meet him. The person I was to be with for the rest of my life. I knew nothing about him, only that his hand was all the comfort I needed to keep going. Now I search for him. Through all the trouble that I have been through and all that I have caused, I know that I am looking for this person. Maybe I've already met them, maybe I've broke their heart. I might be with them, I might meet them soon. I just know I will end my life next to this person.

Her Death

Her body went cold in his arms. Her eyes forever closed. This wasn't right, it's not supposed to go this way. He held on tightly just to share some of his life with her. His tears fell upon her lifeless body. He couldn't stand it, if he could, he would go back. Beg the devil to take him. Rain fell over both bodies masking his tears. Everything within him was falling apart. How would he go on? She was the only one he had ever loved. He begged God to save her, even if she was beyond saving. He studied her chilled face. Her lips were still as red as before but he knew they would taste different. Her eyes, closed, looked as if she was sleeping peacefully as she once did on long car rides. All those memories of her beautiful laugh, her stunning smile. Now he had no more chances to see her smile or hear her laugh. Everything he had ever cared about, shattered. Her skin was so smooth but the cold bite made him cry harder. This wasn't the girl he fell in love with. She was in heaven. This was just the body he knew. The body who curled up next to him every night. The body that gave soft and sweet hugs. This was just the body of the girl he always loved. He wished that he would've made that last day count. Gave her everything she ever wanted. Just one day. If only he knew. Although he couldn't see her, that woman of his dreams was right next to him, hugging tight and crying with him. She wanted him to see her. Wanted to ease the pain. She held on tightly as her lover cried over her body.

Is It Over?

Sometimes, I just watch the night sky thinking over all the pain. I remember all the times I've looked out the window, wishing for different things every time. Now I lay here and I just want to feel alive. I've changed, my heart is on drugs. Turns out that the winning hand wasn't mine. I knew it would end up this way but I didn't derail this crazy train. It all comes down to what I really want and I wish I knew. I want a perfect love? No, I want I flawed love. Maybe. I have no idea what I want anymore. Just don't want to feel this pain anymore.

Is It Wrong To Feel Nothing?

I know my heart is breaking, I know I didn't think this through. I acted without reason and I know some part of me is reacting, but I can't feel a thing. I'm not going to let myself feel this pain again. Shut off all emotions and pray they don't come up at the wrong time. I'll be okay. I've hurt the people I care most about and it seems like I can't do this anymore. I feel like life would be better if not lived by me. I won't lie, there is a part of me that doesn't want to live anymore but I can't give in. I'll keep running from what scares me and keep running from all these emotions. I'll run away.

Remember What You Did?

I look into the eyes of evil and the pain is unbelievable. The thoughts, the memories, the pain of it all rushing back. That night so long ago, how I thought it would never happen. The night air, the shadows that danced in the dark. I can't remember this, it's too painful. What he did to me, all the pain. That devil with his piercing eyes. His hands, the feel of each touch. Torment, sweet torment. When I think of him, I want to cry. I want to erase him. The devil that killed a part of me forever. Those eyes, those eyes.... they follow me. I can never escape the shame or regret for what happened to me. What he did will never be forgiven and I wish I could forget all of it. Even now, the very sight scares me, sends me into a cold place. His face, those eyes. I remember them so well. I remember the stare when he asked me to walk with him. I remember the soft words that made me feel safe. The eyes that watched me, broke me down, made me scream for him. He could only tempt the best, break them down until they had nothing left to look forward to. All this pain still left after these years. I can't let him go, he made sure that I would never forget him. A part of me will be forever trapped with him. Trapped in hell with the devil.

I'll Close My Eyes.

All the things I see every day. Faces, expressionless and stone. A laugh is a rare thing in a world so cold. Love, something so pure, is subject to rules of the unholy. Things changed and the past is a reminder of how this will go if I don't stop it. But how can one change how she feels? My dreams remind me everyday that I'm doing something wrong. Something is wrong and my human cannot explain why this is. Lost, in and out of control. I want my heart to stop again. Want to feel that perfect love again but that passion has left me. Our relationship has become something that resembles what my prince did to me. I only have one to understand me, to help me, but his captor fears for her life that her own will be stolen out from under her. I judge other relationships only because I'm looking for a way to save my own. Where does the heart stopping love go when the couple has become too used to one another? I want to block it all out, pretend there isn't a thing wrong but I know there will always be a problem. I can't block it out. Wonderland has grown too far from my mind. I have to face real life or lose myself looking for a way out.

Please Let Me Go On

My sweet and unconditional. Tormentor of my thoughts every second of the day. Impossible for me to forget, impossible for me to accept this silence. I'm lost in words, wanting to feel what was never felt. Everything lost in my thoughts as I drown in nothing. I want to feel it again yet I need to let it go. Please don't shut out a feeling so divine. This is my last hope yet my biggest fear.

If This Is It.

I've always been ready to face the problems my dear human has to offer. No supernatural to give me those kisses. No ghostly surprises. Just a human and nothing more. Yet with a human comes his need. Need for attention, need for excitement, need for more than I can offer. So as fast as this love started, I fear it may come to an end. This is turning out to be more work than I had thought but I will give this an honest try. I will give it my all so when this does end, I can say that this love was real.

Color in a Dark World

As I stand in front of my mirror, I see all I've done to become who I am now. I used to only dress in dark colors. Jeans and a baggy shirt with a dirty hoodie. I had only one friend through that faze of my life. She saw me as someone who needed someone and I saw her as a saving grace. She stayed with me up till I found someone who looked past my looks. On the outside, I looked like someone who wanted to go crawl in a hole. Like I had no purpose. My prince, he was the first person to see the colorful and happy girl I was inside. He showed me a world where no one could hurt me anymore. I needed that. For so long, I was just a target. He made me see the sun light. Made me take in all the colors of the rainbow. He took me in and repaired me. That was something I had always wanted. He gave me hope. Now days, I look at all the colors I dress in and I see how much I've changed. I hold my head high now. All because my prince rode in on his horse and saved me from myself. Back then, I hated going outside, hated people. Now I thrive on everyone I know. He brought me all these new friends. He got me to reach out, not to be scared. He was there when I was scared and there when I wanted to try again. Now I'm on my own and things are getting scary. I don't know what I'm going to do with this life he gave me. He gave me the rainbow and I drank it in. I miss him. Back then, I couldn't let go of his arm and now I can explore but somewhere along the way, I let go of his hand for too long and thought I could stand on my own. It doesn't work like that. It never did. I still need him there but because of how stupid I can be, I made a mistake. I ran away from the hand that has kept me safe all those years. Now I have to deal with it. Why can't I see what's right in front of me? Why can't I understand that he can't always be there. I still need him here to keep me safe. I'm scared and as I look in the mirror, I wonder who I've become. Without him, I'm nothing.

Oppurtunity

The chance to do something you have wished to do for so long has arisen and what will you do? Will you take advantage, gain the upper hand and do what you have so longed to do? Or will you watch behind curtains, watching those chance just slip by into the night? No matter how much I wish to react, I cannot start without cause. I have been watching, waiting for moments to come and go. Whilst I would love to take the world head on and challenge the ideas of others, I only react because that was how I was made. How I wish you could see my attempts to gain your promise. How I want you to hear my silent pleas for you. Can you hear me at all or am I just that girl you will never hear no matter the date or time? One day, i'll bring myself to take a chance. One day I'll learn how to use this voice of mine. Just please don't let me get carried away....

Burn it All.

All these papers on the ground. Drawings of my inner mind. Places I've been, places I'm afraid to enter, places I remember and some I've forgotten till now. Word written on walls, prayers of those demons. Let those claws embrace me as I set it all to flame. Let those things burn away. I never existed in this realm of insanity. Flying high above any clouds as my mind drifts from reality to darkness. 'Hold me close?' 'Love me for now?' Pretend play games cause nothing is certain. Drift off into perfect insanity. I love the bite of your tainted heart. Don't say a word, just kiss me till I can't breathe and once I'm dead, kiss me till I rot. You kept my world from stabilizing and I always want to live on drifting. Don't let me come back to normal. Send me drifting and don't you dare try to hold my hand. I want to experience what you live everyday. Let my world spin and spin till I get sick but don't stop me there. I want to fly into fire. Don't make promises, don't you dare offer safety, just kiss me and send me deeper into oblivion. I don't want perfect, I don't want sane, I want you and your snake bitten kisses. We won't wait for each other but we'll greet each other with a perfect kiss. You aren't fooled and you know who I am, as I know you. We aren't to be trusted. So lets run around the world and when we meet up again, we'll still know who we are. We don't trust each other with a heart but kisses are to be traded as fare. We don't love each other. Let us keep it that way.