It hurts to be in love. You'd think that I would stop falling in love after enough times of getting my heart broke. Maybe I'm addicted to it. Maybe it's my fate to keep falling in love over and over again, getting my heart broke like Sisyphus.
I know it's something in me that's broken. I can't love myself but I can throw myself into fire for someone else. I can walk across coals for someone to hold me. I cannot fathom being someone's favorite person. I do not understand what it feels like to be loved in return, loved in the same crushing and painful way that I love someone else.
But I'm staring at this screen, it's 1am and we work in the morning. He's a thousand miles away. But even through this screen, I can feel myself slipping, tripping, falling into that dark pit of love. Back on the carousel, around and around again. I'm smiling at my phone, my heart skips when he texts.
I'm not healing. I'm not doing better. Because I'm falling for nothing again. I'm falling for impossible again. I'm falling again and smiling the whole way down.
I'm still a moron. I'm still broken. I'm in love again. Over and Over.
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