Does He Know Who He's Dating

Does she know what you did to me? Did you ever tell her how long I loved you? Did you tell her what you did? What kind of person would do that? I loved you, harder than anyone. I did everything for you, put myself on the line and just watched as you loved her. Now what does it even matter? The hell I went through for you? For eight years, I did anything I could for you. You were always taken but I was okay with that. I didn't want to steal you away, just wanted to be in your life. We went on for years in the same way. I loved you, you loved her. You two broke up again and again and you would come to me. But you'd always go back to her. Did you tell her that night at the party? I didn't come for you, I came to talk to someone else. I came to fix something that was broken but you were there. Maybe you couldn't stand that I was in love with someone else. You spent the whole night on my arm, convincing me to do things I would never want to do. You were flirty and all over me and I was happy. Maybe you noticed that I was looking over to him, trying to get a moment to talk with him. You kissed me. Not the cute, 1 second kiss you had given me before. You kissed me long and hard. I didn't know how to feel about it. In later days, We would go on dates and you called me your girlfriend. We went to the museum, your favorite place. I took you out to eat and drove you home. You told your parents that we were dating and I was happy. And then you never called me back. You never texted or talked to me. I hadn't done anything wrong and yet I was tossed out. You wouldn't respond to anything. Months later I hear you're dating some guy. A guy you used to call ugly and gross behind his back. Did you ever call me those things? Whatever happened to your forever girlfriend? Did you do the same thing to her? This isn't the girl I fell in love with, she was never so heartless. Some princess you are.

Rewind to When You Cared

I wish none of this had to happen. I wish after days like these, you would still be there to calm me down and to tell me what to do. I wish that after crying at work, I could still call you and have you talk me down. I wish we could still go out at night and forget our problems because I need that right now. I need someone and I know that someone can't be you. Unfortunately, there seems to be no one else who could be you. After today, I just want to listen to the music in your car. I feel broken, lost and hopeless. I feel like I need you but I have to learn to get through these days now. If only the you I loved was still around, I miss him. You're not who I need because you aren't the one who cares anymore.

Help Me

I was there. I was there waiting and you weren't. I came to you, and you weren't there. I stood in front of your house but you weren't even home. Still no answer on your phone but I know you got the message. I've told myself too many times that I know I should just give up. I should just let you go but you want to know something? When someone is 90% of your happy thoughts, when you don't know yourself without someone, when someone is your reason for success, you can't imagine a world without them. You try to find a way without them, you try to find a way to be alone, to love yourself. I've read everything I should do to make me better but I don't want to be like that. I'd rather us argue, us fight, every day than lose you completely. I want something, give me something, anything so I can let go. Give me a note, give me a text, anything that I can hold onto so I can let go. I need you. In my life in some way. When will you come back?

Yes, It Was You

I loved you. Not the type where it went away or faded, but a type of love so strong that it lit this glorious flame inside of me. I felt I could do anything, I was everything you said I was. But I had never felt so indestructible before, so I made mistakes. I made a great mistake that lead to me losing you. I’ve dated people after you, trying to feel so free again but in truth, the only time I’ve felt alive was when I was in your room, your car, laughing and being what we were before. Now you’ve decided these years weren’t worth it and we aren’t talking. I see parts of you in my life. My friends joke and tell me I’m better off and I’m trying to be. One day, I want to talk to you again and tell you what I’ve been through. I want to call you up again. But I’m starting to understand that I need to learn to be free without you, alive without you. We were best friends, passionate lovers, and everything in between. I love you in such a deep way that it hurts, and I guess that’s the problem, it shouldn’t hurt to love you. It should be easy, but the pain lets me know I have to learn to love before I can love you. I need to love myself, love someone else, just love without you.

Your Future Girlfriend

Is she like me? Does she listen to all the things you mumble in your sleep? Will she hold you tight and make the pain go away? I'm sorry love, but I can't make it go away. I can't end the pain but I'll stay close to you until you find that girl who can help you like I never could. I'm sorry but I'm a little possessive. She'll have to win you before I try and let go. Believe it or not, I need you because you make my pain go away even if it's only for a minute, I'm at peace with you. So please don't leave me until you're sure you found your soulmate in her. Until then, can I stay and pretend a little longer that I can help? That I'm the future girlfriend and not someone else?

Princess of the Lost Tower

I think of you when I light candles. It's been just over six years and candles still remind me. Still a princess, still have a prince of your own. I've learned to live without devoting every second to you. I still catch myself thinking about a world where we made it through. A world where I was the prince. It's okay though, I've got my own hero but I'd be lying if I said I don't still look for you in the crowds. It's not so much obsessive as it is protective. The world could crush me down into liquid but I'd still try and hold it off your shoulders. Sometimes I'm hopeful that I'll see that little glimmer of love you had for me. I know I still can't afford much but I'd gladly share my honey stick with you. As always, if you ever need me, I'm still in the same place. And my room will spell like candles.

Drowning in Poison

Do you think you're the only one who feels these things? I feel them too, I always have. The doubt, the pain, the angst. I feel it too. I'm just as human as you, maybe even less so, but right now, we're both in pain. I've been holding back tears and I don't want to move. I just want to lay in bed until something feels right again. I'll make you feel better because I know that hopeless feeling you're choking on. I've tasted it and drank it down like a vile of poison. It eats me from the inside. I'm dying. Save me?

Three days out of Fourteen

I'm alone tonight. Been alone the past few nights and I still have a while to go. It's starting to hurt, that stab when you left. Like the numb in a wound. The tears stung my face, little acid droplets. I told myself not to cry. It wasn't until those last few seconds that I noticed that you were really leaving. I didn't think it would happen, but here I am, craving a sweet embrace I cannot have. I'm holding back the tears cause it's only been three days. Save my tears for your return. Cry into your shoulder because that's where I long to be. It seems so far away right now. The days where I was holding you, the days where you were no farther than arm's reach. It's only been three days yet I feel like each hour takes a part of me. This can't last forever. And then, the dark side shows and I'm scared. This can't last forever, he has to come back, right? He'll come back in one piece. He won't leave forever. He'll kiss me again, right? There are so many things that could go wrong. And it's only been three days.

You're My God?

You're yelling and screaming, drowning in the ocean of your own tears. When did Alice start watching others suffer in her Wonderland? I'm sorry you've done this to yourself. I'm so sorry you thought you could be God. Well honey, if you're God then I'm an atheist for a damn good reason. It's over and done with, there's nothing you can say that can save yourself. So God, start praying for some forgiveness. Maybe your God is kinder than you are. Maybe your God will understand your sins?

The Drive Home

When we can't be together, my mind gets mixed up in all sorts of things. I can't tell if I'm paranoid or just worried. Maybe I'm selfish, wanting all your smiles to be mine. I want to be your escape, your happy place. I've been bothered recently about things I know I shouldn't worry about, about things that don't even concern me. I've been watching from afar as my only friend starts to leave me. Maybe it's because I've never been this alone in my life, or maybe it's that I can't let go. Things that never used to scare me, now render me hopeless and frightened. I know it's stupid of me to feel this way but I can't stop it. I'm not even sure how to stop it. I can't ask for things, I can't say things, because all my words don't sound right. I don't want to be too demanding, I can't be assertive. I've had to do things on my own and it's like stepping off the shelf in the ocean into that void. I'm scared and running out of air. I don't want to bother you to help me, I don't want to ask for help because I know they have more important things to do. Now, one by one, my friends are leaving me behind and I can't help it, I can't change it, and soon you'll be the only one I have left. I don't want to put that stress on you. I don't want to be a burden. I need you too hold me tight or at least hold my hand. I can't just jump out into the world, I can't just change. I need you to help me.

Blood Stains on Earth

I never expected it from you. Never thought you would try such a thing. Human, where has your soul gone? Are you quite done with this hell you put yourself into? Are you done taking it out on me? Gone are the days when I knew you. Gone are any understandings I knew. Now I'm looking at the bruises, feeling the swollen marks and I can't help but wonder, was this my own doing? Have I pushed you so far to the edge? Have I created this monster in you? Where is the human who fought for me? Why would you? How could you? What have you done?

When You Think You Have A Chance

I wonder what went wrong. I wonder who decided or who voted. I wonder why they did, I wonder what could've happened to make them do it. Why not me? I thought it was solid, I thought I could, but in the end I guess I wasn't that great. I wanted it more and more with each passing day and now, there's nothing left but shattered dreams and a love to hold me together. I won't lie, I wanted to go. I didn't care about the cost or the problems ahead. I didn't care what else would happen as long as this did. Now I know that it won't happen and the thought is crushing, weighing down upon me like the world on Atlas' shoulders. I won't cry, nor will I whine or stomp my feet, I'll just accept and let it go.I'll try and forget about it.

Forgotten

My, how things can change. One moment you're dancing with champagne and next your hung over on the couch with no good memories. It hurts to be alone. I need to feel something. I'm a cold mess.

{Command[life]} == Erase

Can I write a code for life? Can I make this sky purple or change this grass to razors? If I had all the power that a code gives me, I would write a new life for myself. I could be prettier. My eyes could be more blue, I could be thinner, why can't I just love who I am now? What did I do to warrant so many tears? I've been through a lot in my life and fear it may not be over. My doubts never cease and I'm starting to think this life is doomed to repeat. All I want is these terrible memories to leave. Why can't I forget? Why is his voice still clear in my head? Why must I be so tormented? What did I do? Please Hero, save me from the torment of these memories. Hold me close and make me forget. I don't want to remember.

A Dinner Party

Help me mix the brew, time to give everyone a scare. Throw a party and we'll all have a jolly good time. May I have this dance? Now the main event. Ladies and Gents, There's something special in your tea. Made it myself. Now they say that life is short but all of you won't know the true meaning of just how short life can be. Cheers to your demise.

Dark Paradise

They tell me to forget your face, forget the memories, forget those nights. Yet every time I close my eyes, it seems you're staring back at me. When you haunt my dreams, I don't want to wake up no matter how much they hurt. I've tried to let go before and all it did was get me in trouble. So I've just settled with the fact that I'm never going to fully let you go, at least not for a long while yet. It's going on three years since you left and here I am, still writing in my notebooks, still wishing on stars. One day I'll finally forget you. Maybe then, it won't hurt anymore.

Fly Away

Some days, he comes to pass in my dreams. Always cryptic just like he was. Again, my angel was in my dreams and again, I was happy to see his face. This time though, my Angel was searching for someone who loved him more than anything. He asked a teller and the teller told him that the girl he looked for was closer than he knew. My angel walked out screaming that he would find her. If only he had known that I was just around the corner watching him from afar.

I Refuse....

I refuse to think that the possibility of having full equality in the world would cause anything. I refuse to think that some of my family wouldn't support the decisions I make. I refuse to think that my mom is dying. I refuse to think about the people who have screwed me over or the thought of war. For now, I refuse to think that the world is as bad as it is because maybe in the morning, I can deal with the hate, the pain, the torment and the loss. Maybe in the morning, I'll see the love that I missed today. I await the day when I'll be proud of the world I live in. So just for tonight, I'm going to curl up under my covers and pretend that's it's going to be all right.

When The Tricks Are Gone

When my pretty face withers, will you still kiss it? When my lips aren't rosy, will they still weave magic for you? Today, I have my looks and today, I am beautiful. No matter what anyone says, I know I am beautiful. One day soon, I won't have these looks anymore, my voice will crack and my eyes will reflect my sadness. There will be a day when no one will look twice at me and when that day comes, will you still be there? When the magic is gone, can you handle this broken heart? Today I play with their hearts but tomorrow, I'll be watching from the outside. Will you watch with me?

The Odd One

We're the targets, everyone blaming us. We're the gamers, escaping reality on every console. We're the dreamers, making up the future we want. We're the odd ones yet I couldn't be happier just like that. You and I, we're gonna run fast toward the sun. For us, the world is wide open, never ever limiting ourselves. We've got the killer smiles and the worst jokes, yet I wouldn't change a thing. After all the hell we've been through, after the hard times and the never-ending tears, we know that it's time to look up and smile. Fight our way to the happy days. Fight our way to the summer memories and the winter smiles. I'll fight for you, you'll fight for me and we'll get to where we're going. Because we're the targets, no one wants our problems. We're the gamers, laughing and playing games. We're the dreamers, always getting back on track. We're the odd ones yet I couldn't be happier just like that.