Running As Fast as I can

Running away from everything I once knew. I'm running from the life I once lived. There won't be a life to come back to after this. The memories of my old life, it's odd how things got this way. I'm still not sure what forever means, still not sure how love is supposed to work. Hell, I'm not even sure if I can make it in the real world. Right now, I'm diving head first into the ocean. Am I even ready for this? Can it be true that it's time so soon? Leaving everything I held dear to start a new life with them. What am I going to do?

The Odd One

We're the targets, everyone blaming us. We're the gamers, escaping reality on every console. We're the dreamers, making up the future we want. We're the odd ones yet I couldn't be happier just like that. You and I, we're gonna run fast toward the sun. For us, the world is wide open, never ever limiting ourselves. We've got the killer smiles and the worst jokes, yet I wouldn't change a thing. After all the hell we've been through, after the hard times and the never-ending tears, we know that it's time to look up and smile. Fight our way to the happy days. Fight our way to the summer memories and the winter smiles. I'll fight for you, you'll fight for me and we'll get to where we're going. Because we're the targets, no one wants our problems. We're the gamers, laughing and playing games. We're the dreamers, always getting back on track. We're the odd ones yet I couldn't be happier just like that.

A Dark Dream

My eyes drifted along the ground. Everything seemed so lost, my whole life up in the air. I've cried all I could and I've lost so much. When all seemed hopeless, I knew there had to be a reason. Some bigger purpose. I couldn't place it, could understand why I felt there had to be something more. I felt a hand over my shoulder, someone with a blurred face. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say but I knew he had to be smiling. That was when I knew that I was fighting to meet him. The person I was to be with for the rest of my life. I knew nothing about him, only that his hand was all the comfort I needed to keep going. Now I search for him. Through all the trouble that I have been through and all that I have caused, I know that I am looking for this person. Maybe I've already met them, maybe I've broke their heart. I might be with them, I might meet them soon. I just know I will end my life next to this person.

A Letter To The Hearts

Dear Prince, I think it's time to tell you how proud I am of how far you have come. After all these years, it's still a little hard some days. You started something and even helped me become who I am today. I still remember the days we spent together, laughing all the time. I wonder what happened. I never understood why I ended up hurting you when all you ever did was make my day so much better. You did rescue me over and over. I don't think you will ever understand just how sorry I really am for hurting you. Dear Angel, The lessons you taught me still ring in my head. If anything, you were a teacher more than a heart-breaker. You convinced me to start writing again and I don't think the amount of joy I have gained from that will ever repay you. I know I kept bugging you and honestly, I'm still going to wish you happy birthday every year just so you know I haven't forgotten what you said over that phone. I haven't seen you in years and I don't think I'll ever see you again but if I did run into you, I would start up the conversation. Wouldn't bring up the bad points, just ask how life is going for you. Dear Human, Although my adventures with you weren't too long ago, it still feels like a distant memory. You were the normal one after a batch of crazy rides. We made all kinds of promises and I'm still gonna hold you to a few. Just a few months ago, we were at the ball and now talking is awkward between us. You were a great friend all those years ago and I hope that you can be my friend again. I never thought I would end up leaving but things happen in both our lives. I'm sorry for all the pain I still am causing but at least we can still smile and laugh together. At least we have our memories. Dear Magician, Now you are one letter I never thought I would ever write. Mainly because I would like to blame you for everything bad that happened between us. You are all kinds of stupid yet that's what makes me laugh. I will admit to causing most of the issues. You made me feel alive yet a corpse at the same time. I shouldn't have changed myself just for you, should have shown you who I really am. Live and Learn. Now you're gone, another heart I don't feel I rightfully broke. Somethings aren't planned and how we ended, wasn't planned at all. Yet I still thank you for the wild ride and the half the heart you gave. Dear Green Eyed Hero, I have yet to do anything against you and I hope I never do. I've learned that I need to be myself around you, and that's a little scary for me. I've formed a shell that keeps the threats away but it doesn't help when you need someone. Keeps the love out too. So I'm letting you see me, which I haven't done for a long time. If you should ever decide to let me go, be nice about it because how this ends determines if I will ever open up again. So far, every day has been fantastic and that worries me. I'm waiting for something to go wrong because this is too good. One day I may see that it really is that good. I may do weird things and I'm rather childish. It may take some time to get used to me and if I'm ever too much, just tell me to calm down. I hope this will be different but if it's not, you will forever hold a place.

These Tears Will Fall

I must not cry, cannot show how much I regret. I have to stay strong but I wish I could fall apart. I wish I could just let all of the sadness I feel flow out of my heart. I want to cry, can't show how much I want to erase my life. I've been through so much just because I make the wrong decisions. My prince knew that I was crazy and I wish he could tell me what to do. Wish I had a human here to keep me calm. Wish I had an angel to help me fly and a devil to remind me how to keep the aces in my hand. I may cry, just not around those who make me cry. I won't let them win. After all I have been through to get where I am, I will follow through and find out what I should do. I'll let the mold change and I'll let them press me in but there will always be a part of me that won't conform no matter how hard they try. I will never let them crush me. I am, and forever will be, strong. I will cry, I will hurt but I will be strong. You can't crush me. Can't change me. I am forever, I am infinite. It's my turn to deal the cards.

Color in a Dark World

As I stand in front of my mirror, I see all I've done to become who I am now. I used to only dress in dark colors. Jeans and a baggy shirt with a dirty hoodie. I had only one friend through that faze of my life. She saw me as someone who needed someone and I saw her as a saving grace. She stayed with me up till I found someone who looked past my looks. On the outside, I looked like someone who wanted to go crawl in a hole. Like I had no purpose. My prince, he was the first person to see the colorful and happy girl I was inside. He showed me a world where no one could hurt me anymore. I needed that. For so long, I was just a target. He made me see the sun light. Made me take in all the colors of the rainbow. He took me in and repaired me. That was something I had always wanted. He gave me hope. Now days, I look at all the colors I dress in and I see how much I've changed. I hold my head high now. All because my prince rode in on his horse and saved me from myself. Back then, I hated going outside, hated people. Now I thrive on everyone I know. He brought me all these new friends. He got me to reach out, not to be scared. He was there when I was scared and there when I wanted to try again. Now I'm on my own and things are getting scary. I don't know what I'm going to do with this life he gave me. He gave me the rainbow and I drank it in. I miss him. Back then, I couldn't let go of his arm and now I can explore but somewhere along the way, I let go of his hand for too long and thought I could stand on my own. It doesn't work like that. It never did. I still need him there but because of how stupid I can be, I made a mistake. I ran away from the hand that has kept me safe all those years. Now I have to deal with it. Why can't I see what's right in front of me? Why can't I understand that he can't always be there. I still need him here to keep me safe. I'm scared and as I look in the mirror, I wonder who I've become. Without him, I'm nothing.

If Memories Could Kill....

My mind is playing clips from the past, letting me know how idiotic I can be. All those missed moments. Everything I could have done in that time. All the time I could have been with the right people. I wish my prince was here. I wish he could hold me, tell me that the memories can't hurt me here. He would make sure I wouldn't cry in his arms. If I said I loved him, I would be wrong. This love will never leave me, never even try and diminish. I did this, I ruined it and I can't even remember why. I wish I could remember but all I have are these fake letters. Everything I say is worth nothing. I wish I could be more, fix myself but the only time I feel whole is when he whispers how much he still loves me after all I've put him through. But I'm watching these memories flash by as if it was all a distant dream. I can't live like this. I want to pretend that I'll be okay but I know the truth and so do most. My only wish is that he thinks I'm still strong. I hope he thinks that this isn't effecting me. I hope he doesn't learn the truth. I don't want to feel the pain I feel right now knowing that I can't fix this. My sweet prince, if only I could rewind time. All the love I could know is put onto him. All my being. I miss him. I love him. My prince.

Lost Memories

If you fall in love over candy, is it sweet? I once fell in love over candy and it tasted sweet. I always did love the taste of something I had always wished for. He was my prince. So sweet I got a cavity drilled right into my confidence. No matter what he did, I always did doubt myself. It was no one's fault, just my insecurities playing in my head. What was my fault was what I decided to do to try and fix it. I broke his heart over and over again thinking it would be better apart. Well I'm almost always wrong. Every time, I knew I would never be whole without him. Then one day he drew a line and told me we couldn't keep doing this. I had one last chance to prove everything I could be, that I could change. Well I certainly did a bang up job of that. One moment, I'm trying to make it work and the next I'm crying alone. I wish I knew what happened but I don't even remember. So now I'm alone. I wish I knew why but I don't remember. Everyday and night, I run my fingers over the memories, tracing them back through the days. I want to cry but I'm stronger than that.

Introduction to Chaos

That's it. Gone for so long and still more time left till he comes back home. He'll be a changed man but I plan to change just as much. That damned angel stole my heart but I'm taking it back now. I'm starting this over with the rules clearly posted. I'll play his game but I won't lose. Now I've gone and found perfect chaos. As my prince leaves as instructed, chaos finds me in the darkest nights. First one random conversation and now, everyday, I hear his call. Always talking. He wants to know more, wants to listen yet wants to speak. Chaos has gripped my life but I know how to break free. As illusive as a ghost, this chaos will appear onto me and only me. Our souls playing chess, seeing who can win. Chaos in the form of a human. He'll play this game too. Now the game is set and it's his turn. What's his first move? I'm prepared. My prince, I'll watch him move on and hold my tongue cause he's got to keep forward. I'll always love him and that will be forever the baggage he carries. A little part of me inside his soul and he'll always know that under this sky, I'm watching out for him cause I'll always love him. As he walks slowly away from this train wreck, I'll be picking myself off and prepare for flight. Heaven or Hell, I'll fly off to where ever. This chaos is the first step.

The Problems of a Lost Dreamer

Our problem was more of my problem. Our pains were my fault. I've taken time to understand that I'm the one breaking us apart. I know I'm the problem. This lost soul in a sea of harsh faces. I'm not really ready to face it alone but I have to try sometime. When one person become to source of all the pain, you should just leave them alone to sort out their own life. I wasn't one to start setting all the examples. Hardly the one to put the bar up so high if I can't even touch it. Hard to say I'll be all right but I think the way the world turns is enough to keep me rolling through. I keep looking back when I'm free. I keep seeing all those smiles all those days ago. I remember how it felt to be loved and to feel like everything belonged. When we are together, I keep looking forward cause I can't see a future without pain. We don't belong together. I was just a filler for the time passing. You thought I was the one for you but I knew it couldn't be true. I knew my time would come. Well I've taken this as far as I could reach but we just weren't meant to be. I know I'll cry for you. I've fought for you and held on for you. Pasted on a smile for you and given up for you. I've been there all that I can but you have to stand on your own two feet. I can't help you. I can't even dream to solve everything you want me to. I'm never gonna fill in that hole in your heart. Someday, someone else will love you for who you are. They'll fill that hole and take you home. They can give you what you want. So I'll become a butterfly. You'll still see me but I don't think we'll talk all that much. She'll be your number one and I'll be happy for you. I tried as hard as I could to mold myself into someone good for you but every time, I end up back in my old shape. I can't change who I am and how I act. I can't help you anymore. I know you still want me to lie and say that we will be perfect together. You want to believe in 'Happy Ever After' no matter what. I'm sorry but your fairy tale doesn't start with a prince and princess but it will end with one. Just let me fly away to be with the butterflies cause I'm a dreamer lost in my dream. I'll never be all that you want of me. I'll still be a dreamer. I'll always be the same. Can't you see the only reason we came this far was for you to let go of me. I'm a butterfly. I want land. I love you but you have to let me go.

Not Me.

Somtimes it feels like I lost myself along the way. Feels like I can hardly take another day. Yet all you have given me makes me face everyday no matter what I want to feel. Me and you, we've had our history. Every summer day, every winter night, just dreaming to be in your arms again. I wanted you, I wished for you, then I got you. All my friends say you're not my type, tell me I could do better and I will admit that I have considered it once or twice but then I see that smile light up when you see me and I want you to forever, smile at me. When we're apart, people get ideas in my head and I start to question what I've done for you. I've never been the best, pretty close to the worst. I somtimes lie about how I feel and I hide myself away. I want things to be the way they were. Summer days hardly able to hold each other's hand cause we might blush. We talked about everything without even kissing once. I was proud of that. Proud to say that we liked eachother for our qualities, not our looks. Now days, it's all we ever do. We might talk a little between the kisses. If I'm lucky, I won't get trapped by you. You used to be such a perfect boyfriend. You were perfect but now, you're like them. It's like you don't even care about me. Like 'Love' is just another word to keep me kissing. You stop when I tell you and I respect that but the problem is that we can't talk if we're not kissing. We can't hold conversations without you trying to be the prince and kiss your princess. If you wanted to convuse me, good job cause I can't tell weather I love you or love the old you. My heart still wants to believe that there's still a bit of that boy left in you but my brain is telling me it's all gone. And so far, you havn't proven me wrong. Our 'love' is no more than a game of how far we'll get before I say "Stop". When I want to leave, you sit there and give me eyes that claim you're more than your actions. I fall for the same look everytime, making me feel like the bad guy. Well I'm not. I'm gonna listen to what feels right and until you prove you're better than that, I don't want to feel like crap cause you think you need me. You've made it without me and you can do it again. I don't care if you don't think you were really living cause you didn't have me. If you wanna keep me, you need to proove it cause this time, if I leave, I leave because of you.

Envy

"You never know how much you love someone until you watch them love someone else." For all this time, it is easy to think everything is fine and over. It's easy to get lost in a dream land but then that moment comes when you watch yours love another. That's when the heart starts to fall apart. All those imaginary walls crashed down to reveal what's really happening. Remembering those times where you were under their arm, fingers intertwined, talking about everything. Now that's gone and there's no taking it back. No time machine, no reset button, just today's pain. Never take what you have now for granted because today's smile could become tomorrow's tear.

Let Me Burn

If I screamed your name into the stars, would you feel me calling for you? Sweet days replay in my head of days better past. People, everyone expects me to grow up but I loved being your little girl. You can't see the tears I cry when you're with her. You don't know how much it hurts to see you holding her like you held me. I didn't know what I had until it was gone. Everything I said, I didn't want you to. Without your grip on me, I feel the tears streak down my face. My pillow is drenched with sadness. You won't forgive me, you've let go. You've moved on while I'm still pretending. I still want to be your girl. I still want you to hold me close. I want to be loved by you and no one else.

When Snow Falls

Melt me away into the grass and let the flowers bloom in my sleep. Show the sun what to shine on and let sweet memories be made in such a heat. Let those memories last till the end of time and let the day last so much longer. Let the night fall late and disappear early. Then as the nights grow longer, let the heat of sweet love never fade even as frost comes over the sweet grass. Finally, let that love burn hot throughout out the winter when snow falls. Nothing chills the soul more than watching the trees die and the mockingbirds vacate to the south. The hardest times are when one is split into two during the long cold nights. Wait till morning to become one again with your other half. It's so hard to wait when minutes seem like days. Just don't let her melt away into the grass once spring comes. Her heart can only take so much.

Torn Apart, Taped back

Words. Words that tore me apart. Took all that I knew away from me and left me lying in the dust. Words that released my tears and left me speechless. Words meant to bring me back. Words that pushed me back toward nowhere. Words that broke me away. Now that hands of a devil in angels clothing have tormented me so, I fear I could never go back. I broke down and cried. I broke down and let my tears form a river for me to drown in. He opened his arms and held me close. He fooled me with a perfect smile. As night grew and shadows danced, he pulled me close. He brought flame to a burnt out candle. He made me feel like I was saved, like my heart could be mended. I wanted him there. I tried my best to keep him there. I did things I never would have done just to make him hold me a tad longer. I just wanted the empty part in my heart to be filled as quickly as possible. When Morning woke, it was as if I wasn't there as he brought another girl to her knees. Another girl that needed her heart glued back together. As I laid there and watched. As I pretended not to care. I should have guessed. I should have known. An angel won't come from a devil from the past.

My Little Sister.

It's hard to believe it's been so long since I last thought of you.It's been so long since everything. Your birth, our bothers' births, Michel's death. So much has changed since then, but I'm sure you're watching closely. Your father, Ken, won't talk to Me and Mom anymore but I'm sure he remembers his babies. He's living happy with someone more like him and I hope it works out. Mom and I are living from paycheck to paycheck right now but things will get easier as time goes on. I'm glad you didn't have to meet her last boyfriend, Arthur. He wasn't very nice but I'm sure he was just stressed. I hope him and his daughter are happy without us there. Mom has a new boyfriend and he's nice. His name is Stephen. He isn't like the others and mom really likes him. He is living with us for about a week or so and mom is enjoying all the time together. I have a boyfriend too and we've been together for just over 2 years now and his name is Jamie. I'm sure he would have loved you. Me and him are really close and he is the only one really keeping me sane. Things are looking up and everyday is bright. It's summer time and everything is really pretty out. I've been having fun with all my friends and their drama. High school is really fun and next year I'll be a sophomore. Bartlett is really fun. I want you to know that I really miss you and I wish you were here. I'm sure you would have lots of friends in elementary school and I'd help you with your spelling words if you needed help. No matter how much time passes, promise you'll wait for your older sister? I'll be looking for you and so will mom. We love you so much and I miss you so much.
I Love you Serenity, I always will. Your the sister that I always wanted and hoped for. I'll never forget you. Love forever and always, your big sister, Kyrie.