The Drive Home

When we can't be together, my mind gets mixed up in all sorts of things. I can't tell if I'm paranoid or just worried. Maybe I'm selfish, wanting all your smiles to be mine. I want to be your escape, your happy place. I've been bothered recently about things I know I shouldn't worry about, about things that don't even concern me. I've been watching from afar as my only friend starts to leave me. Maybe it's because I've never been this alone in my life, or maybe it's that I can't let go. Things that never used to scare me, now render me hopeless and frightened. I know it's stupid of me to feel this way but I can't stop it. I'm not even sure how to stop it. I can't ask for things, I can't say things, because all my words don't sound right. I don't want to be too demanding, I can't be assertive. I've had to do things on my own and it's like stepping off the shelf in the ocean into that void. I'm scared and running out of air. I don't want to bother you to help me, I don't want to ask for help because I know they have more important things to do. Now, one by one, my friends are leaving me behind and I can't help it, I can't change it, and soon you'll be the only one I have left. I don't want to put that stress on you. I don't want to be a burden. I need you too hold me tight or at least hold my hand. I can't just jump out into the world, I can't just change. I need you to help me.