Angel Flies Above

I saw you in my dream, my dear angel. We talked for the first time in years. I heard your voice perfectly. We talked, like we used to, about things that were happening. We were laughing like we did that first night. Your voice was low like it was. I felt your touch against my skin. I felt you in my heart. I saw you and I wanted you to stay. Even after all these years, I still remember the feelings that have murdered me for years. We hugged and I smelled your body for the first time in years. I kissed you, for the first time in years, and then I woke up.

Out and Out

I could be everything you've ever dreamed. I could be all that you've wanted in life. I could fill every void in your life and be the missing piece in all you see. I could numb the pain. For the rest of time, I could be your perfect one. Yet here I am waiting for you to reach out for me. Would I even grab your hand if I had the chance? Would it be worth my time to try again? I've been waiting yet pushing you away at the same time. I've pulled you in, a breath away and pushed you across oceans because I want to get into that again. I want to get hurt, to do the hurting. I don't want to be the same person I was. You're always there and yet, never there at all. What about the life we had planned? Where did that one go? How is it that when I leave you alone for more than a day, suddenly I'm not worth it to you? Let me know when you're done going back and forth so I can give up at the right time.

And Yet, I find myself thinking about this more and more. The pain I feel when you look at her, the burning inside when she's on your mind. Like acid in my blood, eating me away inside. I remember hearing melodies across the fields. I remember spending the long nights in the woods. I think on those years we've spent together. Where did I go wrong? Was it when I decided I didn't want to hurt you anymore? Or was it when I decided that you were worth it to try again? When did it start to taste like battery acid when we kissed? When did it start to hurt to see you? And when did I become addicted to this pain you've been causing me?

Definitive

A moment where one looks out the window, her whole life is changing, and she is finally okay with that. It's a new place, a new time, and she can't help but feel happy about this new world she lives in now. Gone are those times where I felt useless, worthless, and powerless. I finally have the world where I want it to be and I cannot describe how happy I am. This new life is what I've wanted, what I've craved and with one small key, I am happy again. It's a hard choice to make sometimes, weather or not to abandon your life and move on to something even more crazy, but I am happy to take that little silver key out of here. Looking at all the things I've done in these past few months, I've become someone. I am not just some person to walk on. I have a purpose now. I can be someone, anyone!

A Priceless Girl

It's an often thought of mine, where my princess is. Is she scared to look for me as well? Nervous out in a world full of sharks. I think about her all the time. What color is her hair? Does she like rock or country better? Would she fall asleep on me if she was super sleepy or would she claim she was fine and do her best to stay awake? I think about her all the time. I wonder what color her eyes would be. I wonder what she would get me for valentines day. I know I'd spoil her whenever I got the chance. I'd learn how to cook her favorite meals even though I'm a menace in the kitchen. I'd teach her how to waltz and she'd laugh because I was embarrassing her. We'd watch movies together even though I'd probably pass out while holding her. I've thought it through so many times. I'd take her out on dates but because I can't drive, we'd have to take the bus back. I would do anything in my power to keep her happy because she'd be my little slice of eternal happiness. I can't wait to meet her.

One Lifetime

This must be love. The longing, the heartbeat under the stars, some sort of craving. I've fallen in love over and over again, so many times that it feels like I was never meant to be with one person for the rest of my life. I keep trying though, keep pushing to see how long I can live with them. Sometimes, I feel like I'm too good for you, like I know I could do better. I never end it though. I always stay because I know I don't want to do better. There are days when I'm not even sure why I try to stay. There are days when I want to flirt with everyone, be some kind of player/heartbreaker. It's been years since I tried but I know I can't live like that. No matter what, I'll always fall too hard, stay too long all because I hate being alone. Now here's my hero and I'm not going to break his heart, it's already breaking on it's own. I want to help him, I want to stay forever. I want it to last a lifetime, can we try?

So This is Right?

Is it supposed to feel like this? Like I'm constantly drowning? Is love supposed to feel like you're always doing the wrong thing? On the verge of tears, drowning and yet I see you smiling like nothing is wrong.

Your Future Girlfriend

Is she like me? Does she listen to all the things you mumble in your sleep? Will she hold you tight and make the pain go away? I'm sorry love, but I can't make it go away. I can't end the pain but I'll stay close to you until you find that girl who can help you like I never could. I'm sorry but I'm a little possessive. She'll have to win you before I try and let go. Believe it or not, I need you because you make my pain go away even if it's only for a minute, I'm at peace with you. So please don't leave me until you're sure you found your soulmate in her. Until then, can I stay and pretend a little longer that I can help? That I'm the future girlfriend and not someone else?

Princess of the Lost Tower

I think of you when I light candles. It's been just over six years and candles still remind me. Still a princess, still have a prince of your own. I've learned to live without devoting every second to you. I still catch myself thinking about a world where we made it through. A world where I was the prince. It's okay though, I've got my own hero but I'd be lying if I said I don't still look for you in the crowds. It's not so much obsessive as it is protective. The world could crush me down into liquid but I'd still try and hold it off your shoulders. Sometimes I'm hopeful that I'll see that little glimmer of love you had for me. I know I still can't afford much but I'd gladly share my honey stick with you. As always, if you ever need me, I'm still in the same place. And my room will spell like candles.

Drowning in Poison

Do you think you're the only one who feels these things? I feel them too, I always have. The doubt, the pain, the angst. I feel it too. I'm just as human as you, maybe even less so, but right now, we're both in pain. I've been holding back tears and I don't want to move. I just want to lay in bed until something feels right again. I'll make you feel better because I know that hopeless feeling you're choking on. I've tasted it and drank it down like a vile of poison. It eats me from the inside. I'm dying. Save me?

Three days out of Fourteen

I'm alone tonight. Been alone the past few nights and I still have a while to go. It's starting to hurt, that stab when you left. Like the numb in a wound. The tears stung my face, little acid droplets. I told myself not to cry. It wasn't until those last few seconds that I noticed that you were really leaving. I didn't think it would happen, but here I am, craving a sweet embrace I cannot have. I'm holding back the tears cause it's only been three days. Save my tears for your return. Cry into your shoulder because that's where I long to be. It seems so far away right now. The days where I was holding you, the days where you were no farther than arm's reach. It's only been three days yet I feel like each hour takes a part of me. This can't last forever. And then, the dark side shows and I'm scared. This can't last forever, he has to come back, right? He'll come back in one piece. He won't leave forever. He'll kiss me again, right? There are so many things that could go wrong. And it's only been three days.

Running As Fast as I can

Running away from everything I once knew. I'm running from the life I once lived. There won't be a life to come back to after this. The memories of my old life, it's odd how things got this way. I'm still not sure what forever means, still not sure how love is supposed to work. Hell, I'm not even sure if I can make it in the real world. Right now, I'm diving head first into the ocean. Am I even ready for this? Can it be true that it's time so soon? Leaving everything I held dear to start a new life with them. What am I going to do?

You're My God?

You're yelling and screaming, drowning in the ocean of your own tears. When did Alice start watching others suffer in her Wonderland? I'm sorry you've done this to yourself. I'm so sorry you thought you could be God. Well honey, if you're God then I'm an atheist for a damn good reason. It's over and done with, there's nothing you can say that can save yourself. So God, start praying for some forgiveness. Maybe your God is kinder than you are. Maybe your God will understand your sins?

Turn Off The Lights

Bra strap hanging off my shoulder, cold air hitting my bare skin. Whip my pants into the hamper, shirt soon to follow. I'm laying awake thinking about him and his damn green eyes. I'm thinking about his hands in my hair and his lips on every inch of me. Got nothing but his sweater on and I know he'd find it so cute. My mischievous little mind is up to it's no good tricks with those damned green eyes. I've got some lovin to give and man do I wish I could have it tonight. I'll wait like a good little girl, can't rush perfection. Gotta give him something to want, give him a chance to want. Just because I want it now, doesn't mean I should. The best wines take time so I'll let this little thought brew in my head. Sides, gotta savour that cake. That green eyed cake.

At Least I Have a Band-Aid

My thumb's bleeding darling. Will you suck out the blood? Would you suck out my heart? I feel like it's breaking again. I never thought a heart could ache so much when you're so deeply in love. Darling? What's wrong with me today? What was wrong yesterday? I'm not alone yet the solitude is surrounding me on all sides. I'm not alone yet my body is a cold as the tundra. When you're in love, isn't it supposed to be warm? Hot with passion, cool with temptation? No one told me about the cold, I didn't have time to bundle up. Where's the kisses in the rain, love story moments? When was love changed on me? I have to admit, the sour makes the sweet that much sweeter. Can you feel me screaming silently into the air? Can you hear my blood dripping on the carpet? Please tell me I'm not alone when I go crazy over your love. Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

Daydreams

Silence floods as I walked across the threshold. Where could my sunshine be? She's always here to greet me. "Sunshine?" I call into the darkness, searching across the house. "Sunshine?" Again, nothing in return. I poke my head into the bedroom and there's nothing but a single light by the bed that illuminates the room. Odd for this one room to be lit and nothing else. Then I feel soft hands slide under my shirt. and across my stomach. "There you are, I've been looking for you," She says nothing but turns me for a kiss. I feel need leak through her lips. Her tongue assaulting mine in a sensual battle for dominance. When we part, her look is intense. Her calm blue eyes lit by a sort of fire stirring within. "Darling?" Her outfit consisted of nothing more than an old button-up of mine. Now I understood. She moved slowly, as if a snake waiting to devour her mouse. Slowly, and rather teasingly, she unbuttoned the shirt letting it fall to the ground. She Ripped my shirt off my body and soon, pants followed. "Love?" Her mouth again fell over mine and for a second, I could only focus on her mouth. But soon her body was over mine and then I was in her. The feeling surged through me as eletro-static. I wasn't expecting it nor was I complaining. We pressed together as she held me hostage of her body. Her breasts held tightly in my hand and she held my mind tightly. Amazing how she moved seemed to send electricity through my veins. My blood boiled at each moan that escaped her mouth and I felt my height of sweet pleasure rush through me. Her sweet scream carried me to the finish line and we both collapsed together. Panting in sync. "Darling," She said breathy. "Stop making me miss you,"

You are my writers block.

The Drive Home

When we can't be together, my mind gets mixed up in all sorts of things. I can't tell if I'm paranoid or just worried. Maybe I'm selfish, wanting all your smiles to be mine. I want to be your escape, your happy place. I've been bothered recently about things I know I shouldn't worry about, about things that don't even concern me. I've been watching from afar as my only friend starts to leave me. Maybe it's because I've never been this alone in my life, or maybe it's that I can't let go. Things that never used to scare me, now render me hopeless and frightened. I know it's stupid of me to feel this way but I can't stop it. I'm not even sure how to stop it. I can't ask for things, I can't say things, because all my words don't sound right. I don't want to be too demanding, I can't be assertive. I've had to do things on my own and it's like stepping off the shelf in the ocean into that void. I'm scared and running out of air. I don't want to bother you to help me, I don't want to ask for help because I know they have more important things to do. Now, one by one, my friends are leaving me behind and I can't help it, I can't change it, and soon you'll be the only one I have left. I don't want to put that stress on you. I don't want to be a burden. I need you too hold me tight or at least hold my hand. I can't just jump out into the world, I can't just change. I need you to help me.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Let's take a walk darling, just the two of us. Let's take a walk around in the grass. I wanna talk to you. Tell me about yourself, tell me about your likes and dislikes, your fears and your and dreams. Let's take a moment to just find out who we are again. So lets hold hands and take a walk, let's see all the brighter things in life. Just because I love you darling.

Blood Stains on Earth

I never expected it from you. Never thought you would try such a thing. Human, where has your soul gone? Are you quite done with this hell you put yourself into? Are you done taking it out on me? Gone are the days when I knew you. Gone are any understandings I knew. Now I'm looking at the bruises, feeling the swollen marks and I can't help but wonder, was this my own doing? Have I pushed you so far to the edge? Have I created this monster in you? Where is the human who fought for me? Why would you? How could you? What have you done?

We Both Matter, Don't We?

I don't care what the doctors tell you, I don't care what your parents or friends tell you. I don't care what they have to say about you because I know who you are. I know it all now. I know those hard choices and the pain you've endured. I know... I know hun. They all tell me different things. They've told me I could do better, that you're not the right person. I've heard it all, even from you. Heard all the voices telling me what I should do, who I should be with and how I should live my life. Well I've started to laugh, make them think I'll do what they say. I've already made up my mind, you're in my future. The path I walk now, I'll walk with you. We'll guide each other. We're running the same way. I'm done listening to all of them, even you. I know what I want, I know I'll find it with you. Whatever I can get out of this life, I'll get it with you. No, you're not the best I could do and no you aren't perfect. If I was chasing perfection, I wouldn't have stayed. If I wanted the most handsome or the smartest, I wouldn't have stopped for you. I'm not looking for the most successful or the one with money, I'm looking for the one who changes my insides, stirs my imagination, wakes me. I don't need a big brother or the perfect husband, I need the one with flaws. I need the one who makes me happy. I need the one who can help me see. I chose you. Who else could match my sarcasm? Who else could see under my hard shell? Who else could repair the broken girl? We're not going to have the perfect love story or be the cute couple on campus. We're gonna be the ones who people will see together for the rest of their lives. Through the fights and the tears, holding me through the nightmares, you'll be with me. We're both a little not right. We'll always be the puzzle pieces that don't fit in the big picture. But I fit with you.

If You Were Here Right Now

Oh how I wish you were just so you could hold me tighter in your arms. I want to feel your skin, feel safe in the texture of your hands. My hands running through your hair and us kissing like we did that one day. Your hands on my sides, our breathing synchronized. Doesn't that sound just perfect? If you were here right now, I'd be pecking at your neck leaving a soft trail of kisses. My hands would be so cold so I'd use your tummy to warm them up. We wouldn't speak, just relax because we know it's not in the words, it's in the actions. Just laying here with you would put me at ease. If only you could be here right now.

When You Think You Have A Chance

I wonder what went wrong. I wonder who decided or who voted. I wonder why they did, I wonder what could've happened to make them do it. Why not me? I thought it was solid, I thought I could, but in the end I guess I wasn't that great. I wanted it more and more with each passing day and now, there's nothing left but shattered dreams and a love to hold me together. I won't lie, I wanted to go. I didn't care about the cost or the problems ahead. I didn't care what else would happen as long as this did. Now I know that it won't happen and the thought is crushing, weighing down upon me like the world on Atlas' shoulders. I won't cry, nor will I whine or stomp my feet, I'll just accept and let it go.I'll try and forget about it.

Hun

Everything around here makes too much sound. Everything is too loud and I can't escape. I need someone to hold my hand, I need a hug or a kiss. I don't know why this is getting harder to do but I'm hurting more and more as the weeks go by. Can I please just never leave your side? I'll be quiet and I won't bother you. I'll just hold your hand until you have some free time. The feeling of being alone, it grows every chance it gets. I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I know I'm not really alone but I can't see you, I can't feel you, I can't comfort you or cuddle you. Without you, I'm feeling worthless. I don't care about my clothes and I don't care about the way I look to other people. I just want to impress you. Darling, I miss you.

When You...

When you hold me tight, my heart races, much like it did the first time. When you near my face, and I can smell your sweet breath; I'm left without air. When you curl me in your arms, I know I'm safe. Maybe the butterflies didn't go away or maybe I'm just sick but you stir me alive. Now each breath I take, I mutter your name. When I'm alone, you consume my thoughts and when we are together, there's not another person alive. When you hold my hand, I know it's forever. If it's not love, what is it? Because I've got that heart-racing, mind-numbing, muscle tensing feeling and I don't want it to go away. I'll be here when you need me and waiting when you don't. I've fallen for you.

Face Me, Fight Me

You put the rules on me, always trying to bring me down. You limit my internet, restrict my books and yet you still have no power. Handcuff my hands together and I'll still write. I like this little game we play, where you think you have any sense of power and I break all your rules anyway. I'm a force and there are many more like me, so many more who will fight back. We are the the ones who learned how not to break the rules and yet break them at the same time. We learned how to fight the power and never get in trouble. You live in a world of contracts and limitations; a world where the rules are outlined and there are no ways around them. You live in a world where you cannot escape the pens and papers you signed. We are the loop holes, the system breakers and the code chasers. We read the fine print, we know where your power ends. We know how to swim off the deep end. The more rules you impose, the more creative we get.

Love Me?

I want to understand forever. I want to grasp how long it really is. We spend so much time thinking in the now that we never get a sense of forever. Well I want to know how long it is. I want to see the end of the Earth and forget all sense of time. I want to see the day forever stops and there is nothing. I want to see the death of the human race and I want to see it with you. So what do you say? Can we see forever together?

Valen-fucking-tines Day

I don't give shit if you're in love, you rub that in my face every other day of the year. I don't give a damn that he did something so cute. I don't want to hear about how romantic your night was and I don't want to hear about all the useless shit you got. Those chocolates are gonna make you sick anyway. So stop rubbing it in my damn face that you're in love and had a happy day together. Even though if you do anything overly romantic today, it just means you aren't in love. Anyone who really fell in love, would show it every day, not just the gift giving holidays. With their actions and words and little bits of love every single day. If this is the day you get overly romantic, then I hope you two love your short relationship together.

Distance, Make the Heart Grow

We'll be far away. We won't be able to touch. Skin to skin gone when I get on that plane. I've made up my mind, I'll go if I get the chance. I feel as if I'm dooming the two of us. Will we survive? Can we thrive? So far away. Three days without you and my heart feels like it's going to break. How will I survive four years? How will you? Will you leave me because I'm never around? I don't want this to end in tears but I feel like it may anyway. Is this what it feels like to grow up? The pain of the choices we make? Here I was having so much fun but this is weighing me down. How can I just jump into the void? I don't know if I'm ready for this. East coast to west coast.

Into The Open Air

The wind is harsh against my skin, cutting deep yet I do not bleed. I walk forward through the pain I feel, just trying to endure. She has the same eyes. Each step is tough and my feet are bleeding. My breath hurts my insides while the cold hurts the outside. I am still walking. She has the same laugh. He's right there in front of me, warm and inviting. Is he real? His hand thaws my own, his kiss calms my breath. This must be what death feels like. Though maybe it is time for some rest.