Haven't Had Enough

One taste and I'm thinking that it's the one who got away but I'm too far gone. It's too late for me. I've already made things impossible for myself. Now I'm sitting, wondering, what if?

It's Not Supposed to End Like this

It's not love that I'm feeling, or at least I hope it's not. I can see you in my head and it makes me cry. I don't want to remember you like this. I want to remember you the way we were in the woods. I want to remember our secrets and our hushed voices. I want to remember us that one Christmas morning. I want us to still be together in some sort of way, but that's not how this is gonna end. I'm scared to talk to you, scared you'll yell at me, or worse, you won't. I'm afraid that this was the last straw and I know it's all my fault. I know I can't take any of it back, but I still never lied to you. You were just ready not to trust me. I know what your hearing in your ears, but you're not letting me speak to your heart. I'm not going to lie, I've been crying because I know this is the end. Even as I write this, it's getting harder to see my keyboard. It's been seven years and yet I can't talk to you like I used to. This is what I was talking about, why I said we couldn't be together. Even though you said that you didn't look at me any different after the incident, you were so quick to believe what they said because you had heard it once before. It was two years ago and yet, I was right, you look at me differently. And maybe I deserve that, maybe I deserve to be this mess that I am right now. But you still lied to me. Now you haven't spoken to me in the week. In that week, I've dealt with everyone else. Some listened and heard me out, others fought back. Now there's you and me. I would give anything to call you right now. I'd give anything to hear you laugh, calm me out of my tears, but I know you answer. If I went to your house, would you let me in? Or would you yell at me? Would I even get a goodbye hug? One last time to feel safe in your arms. I never planned any of this. Just one last chance, one last moment, with you, human. Please?

Angel Flies Above

I saw you in my dream, my dear angel. We talked for the first time in years. I heard your voice perfectly. We talked, like we used to, about things that were happening. We were laughing like we did that first night. Your voice was low like it was. I felt your touch against my skin. I felt you in my heart. I saw you and I wanted you to stay. Even after all these years, I still remember the feelings that have murdered me for years. We hugged and I smelled your body for the first time in years. I kissed you, for the first time in years, and then I woke up.

Out and Out

I could be everything you've ever dreamed. I could be all that you've wanted in life. I could fill every void in your life and be the missing piece in all you see. I could numb the pain. For the rest of time, I could be your perfect one. Yet here I am waiting for you to reach out for me. Would I even grab your hand if I had the chance? Would it be worth my time to try again? I've been waiting yet pushing you away at the same time. I've pulled you in, a breath away and pushed you across oceans because I want to get into that again. I want to get hurt, to do the hurting. I don't want to be the same person I was. You're always there and yet, never there at all. What about the life we had planned? Where did that one go? How is it that when I leave you alone for more than a day, suddenly I'm not worth it to you? Let me know when you're done going back and forth so I can give up at the right time.

And Yet, I find myself thinking about this more and more. The pain I feel when you look at her, the burning inside when she's on your mind. Like acid in my blood, eating me away inside. I remember hearing melodies across the fields. I remember spending the long nights in the woods. I think on those years we've spent together. Where did I go wrong? Was it when I decided I didn't want to hurt you anymore? Or was it when I decided that you were worth it to try again? When did it start to taste like battery acid when we kissed? When did it start to hurt to see you? And when did I become addicted to this pain you've been causing me?

Definitive

A moment where one looks out the window, her whole life is changing, and she is finally okay with that. It's a new place, a new time, and she can't help but feel happy about this new world she lives in now. Gone are those times where I felt useless, worthless, and powerless. I finally have the world where I want it to be and I cannot describe how happy I am. This new life is what I've wanted, what I've craved and with one small key, I am happy again. It's a hard choice to make sometimes, weather or not to abandon your life and move on to something even more crazy, but I am happy to take that little silver key out of here. Looking at all the things I've done in these past few months, I've become someone. I am not just some person to walk on. I have a purpose now. I can be someone, anyone!

A Priceless Girl

It's an often thought of mine, where my princess is. Is she scared to look for me as well? Nervous out in a world full of sharks. I think about her all the time. What color is her hair? Does she like rock or country better? Would she fall asleep on me if she was super sleepy or would she claim she was fine and do her best to stay awake? I think about her all the time. I wonder what color her eyes would be. I wonder what she would get me for valentines day. I know I'd spoil her whenever I got the chance. I'd learn how to cook her favorite meals even though I'm a menace in the kitchen. I'd teach her how to waltz and she'd laugh because I was embarrassing her. We'd watch movies together even though I'd probably pass out while holding her. I've thought it through so many times. I'd take her out on dates but because I can't drive, we'd have to take the bus back. I would do anything in my power to keep her happy because she'd be my little slice of eternal happiness. I can't wait to meet her.

One Lifetime

This must be love. The longing, the heartbeat under the stars, some sort of craving. I've fallen in love over and over again, so many times that it feels like I was never meant to be with one person for the rest of my life. I keep trying though, keep pushing to see how long I can live with them. Sometimes, I feel like I'm too good for you, like I know I could do better. I never end it though. I always stay because I know I don't want to do better. There are days when I'm not even sure why I try to stay. There are days when I want to flirt with everyone, be some kind of player/heartbreaker. It's been years since I tried but I know I can't live like that. No matter what, I'll always fall too hard, stay too long all because I hate being alone. Now here's my hero and I'm not going to break his heart, it's already breaking on it's own. I want to help him, I want to stay forever. I want it to last a lifetime, can we try?

So This is Right?

Is it supposed to feel like this? Like I'm constantly drowning? Is love supposed to feel like you're always doing the wrong thing? On the verge of tears, drowning and yet I see you smiling like nothing is wrong.

Your Future Girlfriend

Is she like me? Does she listen to all the things you mumble in your sleep? Will she hold you tight and make the pain go away? I'm sorry love, but I can't make it go away. I can't end the pain but I'll stay close to you until you find that girl who can help you like I never could. I'm sorry but I'm a little possessive. She'll have to win you before I try and let go. Believe it or not, I need you because you make my pain go away even if it's only for a minute, I'm at peace with you. So please don't leave me until you're sure you found your soulmate in her. Until then, can I stay and pretend a little longer that I can help? That I'm the future girlfriend and not someone else?

Princess of the Lost Tower

I think of you when I light candles. It's been just over six years and candles still remind me. Still a princess, still have a prince of your own. I've learned to live without devoting every second to you. I still catch myself thinking about a world where we made it through. A world where I was the prince. It's okay though, I've got my own hero but I'd be lying if I said I don't still look for you in the crowds. It's not so much obsessive as it is protective. The world could crush me down into liquid but I'd still try and hold it off your shoulders. Sometimes I'm hopeful that I'll see that little glimmer of love you had for me. I know I still can't afford much but I'd gladly share my honey stick with you. As always, if you ever need me, I'm still in the same place. And my room will spell like candles.