It's Even Darker Here

I remember a time when the night would bring me a bliss so divine. I remember when I craved the moon. Back when I had things to hide, a life that not many knew of. I remember feeling so in love with the moonlight lovers that found me. I remember the heartbreak and the insults. I remember the dark place I found. A place where it was always my dear night. I made a place where no person could hurt me, forever embraced my the lusty moon. I look back at those days and I get a little scared. That place in my head is still there and the need is still there but I can walk and enjoy the sunlight now. The day brings him closer to my skin. Sweet human drawn to the sun on my skin. I can hear something inside that wants to scream and run. Everything he is, it's every one of my fears. Somehow, I'm drawn to the fear, drawn to the heart racing romance. Almost as if my lusty midnight self found a way into the sun. I would like to say that I know this isn't me but I can't tell who I am anymore. All my dreams are falling and things are scary. I have friends, maybe two or three but not many can handle my outspoken nature and need to be a sarcastic bitch. I find this world to be too cold, too hot, and too painful. I miss my angel sometimes. I miss my devil and demon. I wonder what all this should be about? Who am I going to be? What is the point? I stand forever in the sun. I will get burned. This will hurt but I want to feel it myself and search this world for all that it is worth. I may travel to the very end and never find anything but I paved the path for someone else to. When I die, I'll go to a place that's warm with thunderstorms that take away your breath. Green grass and a home I've always loved. As for the story of me, there's not much I could leave out. I must make sure others don't make the same mistakes. Until the day I die, I want him to kiss me with that hunger in his eyes. I love that human and everything that he is.

Sweet Escape

When something inside you screams, listen. Your heart is telling you something. When you feel you cannot cry anymore, fix what made you cry. Nothing is forever but you can make it last as long as you live. For a human, I'd give my very being away if it meant one more day in his arms. The past doesn't have to hold you down, you can rise above your sins if you can admit to having committed them. I will not let myself fall. I have someone to stand by, someone who holds me close. My human is worth so much more than I can give but he settles for what I am. I shall not fall for the arms of one are keeping me safe. My sweet sweet human.

Empty

Drowning in the sea I created. Lost in a world all my own. Everything I love wants to leave me. My creative spirit is gone and all I can think of is if I could redo it all. If I could start over. I go through my head of all the things that have happened. The new year with a great smile. Valentine's Day with a valentine. Love that was fully returned. Everything feels broken and I can't stand to face the light of the next day to come. Everything I have done, I have done for a reason and for the first time, I feel like I cannot control my own fate. 'The heart does a slow death, shedding each joy until there is nothing. No hopes, no dreams.' I cannot begin to fathom the amount of pain I have caused nor can I attain for my actions but right now, I need the love of the human for whom I have done wrong. I feel I may lose the biggest part of my new found life.

Crashing

My heart is screaming what to do but I don't want to listen. Lost inside my human but I'm still waiting for something else. Looking for something to fall apart. When I look into the eyes of what has held me so tightly, I see nothing that could resemble safe. I like the pit but I'm in love again and again and maybe this will last. Maybe I'll win this. Maybe he will be the last. Or maybe this will fall apart in the wake of the blackness.

Of Knights and Day

Falling in love is never fairly easy. Finding the right person at the right time. To fall out of love is the trick. No matter how bad the relationship was, a part of you will still be in love, a part will still miss them. I wish that didn't have to be true. Here I sit, lost in my thoughts, my prince is still in my head. I try not to miss him, try not to bother him but in a way, I wish he was still mine. I know that we are forever apart but sometimes I want to rewind back into his arms. He always had a strong grip on my heart. I wish I could go back to that. I'm happy with my new life but my old life brought me here. Sometimes, it's hard to let go.

I'll run for you.

I would run away for you. Over the moon and into the stars, I would run for you. Leap over comets and sprint over planets if you called my name. I'll run away for you, my dearest because that's the person I am. My heart will never be pure and my head is full of bad things but if you called, I'd run away with you. Forever and eternally yours. I'd run for you if you wanted me to. Only because the ground I have to cover is never equal to how much I love and need you in my life.

I'll Close My Eyes.

All the things I see every day. Faces, expressionless and stone. A laugh is a rare thing in a world so cold. Love, something so pure, is subject to rules of the unholy. Things changed and the past is a reminder of how this will go if I don't stop it. But how can one change how she feels? My dreams remind me everyday that I'm doing something wrong. Something is wrong and my human cannot explain why this is. Lost, in and out of control. I want my heart to stop again. Want to feel that perfect love again but that passion has left me. Our relationship has become something that resembles what my prince did to me. I only have one to understand me, to help me, but his captor fears for her life that her own will be stolen out from under her. I judge other relationships only because I'm looking for a way to save my own. Where does the heart stopping love go when the couple has become too used to one another? I want to block it all out, pretend there isn't a thing wrong but I know there will always be a problem. I can't block it out. Wonderland has grown too far from my mind. I have to face real life or lose myself looking for a way out.

Please Let Me Go On

My sweet and unconditional. Tormentor of my thoughts every second of the day. Impossible for me to forget, impossible for me to accept this silence. I'm lost in words, wanting to feel what was never felt. Everything lost in my thoughts as I drown in nothing. I want to feel it again yet I need to let it go. Please don't shut out a feeling so divine. This is my last hope yet my biggest fear.

If I was lost.

If I was lost, would you find me? If I was dead, would you revive me? Love is weird. One moment, butterflies; the next, it's gone. Love is a fleeting image, if you will. There's something there but if you watch long enough, everything you thought you had is gone. It's a waste of time yet I seem to always get caught up in it. It's hopeless yet addictive. Almost like a fantasy. So lost is a little girl lost in the idea of love. She's learning the lessons that old men have to teach. Old hands touching her pure little body. No voice to scream. What does she know other than her lost scream. Broken, she gives up on 'love'. What is love but pain? She's dancing now for the same men that ruined her. They enjoy the little girl's body. How sweet her pale white skin is. How lost she looks up on the stage. But yet she dances still evermore shamed of the things she has done. This was not the life she wanted for herself. It's lost now and no amount of bath soaps can scrub away her pain. Tainted is the little girl who wanted nothing more than love.

If This Is It.

I've always been ready to face the problems my dear human has to offer. No supernatural to give me those kisses. No ghostly surprises. Just a human and nothing more. Yet with a human comes his need. Need for attention, need for excitement, need for more than I can offer. So as fast as this love started, I fear it may come to an end. This is turning out to be more work than I had thought but I will give this an honest try. I will give it my all so when this does end, I can say that this love was real.