To Love and Loss

Beautiful, that's what she was. As close to perfection that a human could get. She seemed as if she walked on glitter. Every move she made, I followed close behind. Finally, I asked for her hand. To dance in the dramatic ball of mine. As drama filled as it was, I was surprised to hear her say yes. Thus we danced to our own song. Every step in rhythmic time. Her bright smile kept me dancing through the days. But as she was Cinderella, her mother had some opinions on how her dear daughter should run her life. I was not about to step in the way but I couldn't help but feel my heart break. Another crack before a shatter. One week of our dance. We had known each other two years and we danced for one week. One week and we never saw each other once in that week. One week and I had only had a phone call. Yet somehow, I felt that we couldn't be closer. I felt as if she was there holding my hand when I doubted myself. She was with me, next to me, all the time and yet she was never there. It wasn't much of a relationship yet it meant so much to me, if not the both of us. To be torn apart by an outsider who couldn't grasp the type of love we had, it hurt. It still hurts. it burns my heart. I will miss her.

A love so easy to lose.

The start of the weekend mark an unexpected greeting. An Angel unlike any other, comes into my life. For such a brief weekend, I was in the arms of an angel. His wings around me and protecting me. Everything anyone could want in a man, is here, cradling me in his arms. He swears to protect me and swears that he's there for me. Unfortunately, the devil, with such a relative power, cannot let one of his own escape to salvation. I let tears flow as a phone call tells me it really is over. Something that never was, ended without a trace of the past. A long week ahead, I try my best to keep my wits about myself. A long week of trying so hard to figure out why my angel has deserted me so. Finally, the answer comes to me in my darkest hour. As things fall into chaos, I start to realize that my angel, he is truly psychic because he saw, before it even happened, that I was a tainted soul. My angel saw that I could never be saved. Now I lye here, everything in pain as I try to work through these past events. I know I will never be redeemed for my sins but one last crusade won't harm much. And this crusade will stop the devil and break his hold on me. He will pay for his crimes against me.

Bloody Murder You Can't Stop Loving

Lock away those dirty thoughts you naughty girl. Even in the dead of night, devils still wish to come out and dance. Tormenting those caught in their web. The heat of ecstasy embracing your every moving body part. As your pulse picks up, all logic ceases and the brain goes numb. Nothing makes sense and you don't know why you want this so. It's so hard to hold back what you really want to say. You try to stay the little girl from before but you want to badly to become the woman who speaks her mind. One simple word and it's all over. One simple word and it never happened. One simple word, one little word with so much power. You want so badly to stop. Stop and curl up in a ball. Try and cope with what has just happened. But here you are and you want to whisper for more. You want to beg for this devil to keep you in his arms. You beg for him. You beg for the Devil to embrace you with the voice of an angel.

Torn Apart, Taped back

Words. Words that tore me apart. Took all that I knew away from me and left me lying in the dust. Words that released my tears and left me speechless. Words meant to bring me back. Words that pushed me back toward nowhere. Words that broke me away. Now that hands of a devil in angels clothing have tormented me so, I fear I could never go back. I broke down and cried. I broke down and let my tears form a river for me to drown in. He opened his arms and held me close. He fooled me with a perfect smile. As night grew and shadows danced, he pulled me close. He brought flame to a burnt out candle. He made me feel like I was saved, like my heart could be mended. I wanted him there. I tried my best to keep him there. I did things I never would have done just to make him hold me a tad longer. I just wanted the empty part in my heart to be filled as quickly as possible. When Morning woke, it was as if I wasn't there as he brought another girl to her knees. Another girl that needed her heart glued back together. As I laid there and watched. As I pretended not to care. I should have guessed. I should have known. An angel won't come from a devil from the past.

Bring Him Along

Finally, a life completely up to chance. A life that is really mine. The dark sky full of rain can't even bring me down. Let us go play in it, I say. I'm no longer a prisoner of my own mind. I'm not afraid of telling the truth and I'm not afraid to be blunt. I don't care if it's all wrong, cause tonight's the night I finally shut reality off and live in my word. Nothing bad can touch me and nothing bad can happen. Nothing is gonna bring me down. So go on ahead and tell me what to do cause I won't say No. I won't keep bottled up inside myself. I'm going to go out there and do what I want cause it's my world now. You can't hurt me anymore...

Faces

I see him in my mind and nothing rustles but I small hope I have. All I want is to repeat a night so grand. I never want to leave such a thing to the vicious memory cycle. So bring me again to your side. Stay silent and don't make any promises. We don't ever need to do this again. Let me breathe you in. I won't tell anyone. I won't bring it up. So let there be a night, just like that one. Let everything go. Everything will stay under the shadow of night. After that, go to your girl. Let her take you in. Let her embrace you tightly. She truly loves you. She'll never know and you'll never tell. She'll treat you perfectly. I'll never come close to her.

Each Breath

Breath on a cold night, you see it dissolve into the air. Sitting on a ledge, you wonder what it could be to jump from so high and see if you can fly. Lighting the fire, you want to touch the flame to test your life. It's nothing to wonder if you really are alive. But things go to far. Things get out of hand. One thought could turn into a lifetime of pure regret. I don't want to be that girl in the corner, watching you wondering if it meant anything. I don't want to lie awake, wondering what happened. Here I am, wondering what happened. Wondering if it meant anything. Should I be attached to that past? Should I cherish that memory? Either way, I let it float away with the coming of morning. I won't be that girl. I won't let it hurt me. Clouds drift by and letting that go is still ripping me apart. I don't dare cry, I won't let myself be so weak. I want to erase such a thing but I want to keep it close to my heart. But it meant nothing, it was nothing. Better off just letting myself go. Better off just falling to fly. Because it wasn't really a one night stand. Because it was nothing, because it didn't happen. Breath in, breath out. Fog your mind.

My Little Sister.

It's hard to believe it's been so long since I last thought of you.It's been so long since everything. Your birth, our bothers' births, Michel's death. So much has changed since then, but I'm sure you're watching closely. Your father, Ken, won't talk to Me and Mom anymore but I'm sure he remembers his babies. He's living happy with someone more like him and I hope it works out. Mom and I are living from paycheck to paycheck right now but things will get easier as time goes on. I'm glad you didn't have to meet her last boyfriend, Arthur. He wasn't very nice but I'm sure he was just stressed. I hope him and his daughter are happy without us there. Mom has a new boyfriend and he's nice. His name is Stephen. He isn't like the others and mom really likes him. He is living with us for about a week or so and mom is enjoying all the time together. I have a boyfriend too and we've been together for just over 2 years now and his name is Jamie. I'm sure he would have loved you. Me and him are really close and he is the only one really keeping me sane. Things are looking up and everyday is bright. It's summer time and everything is really pretty out. I've been having fun with all my friends and their drama. High school is really fun and next year I'll be a sophomore. Bartlett is really fun. I want you to know that I really miss you and I wish you were here. I'm sure you would have lots of friends in elementary school and I'd help you with your spelling words if you needed help. No matter how much time passes, promise you'll wait for your older sister? I'll be looking for you and so will mom. We love you so much and I miss you so much.
I Love you Serenity, I always will. Your the sister that I always wanted and hoped for. I'll never forget you. Love forever and always, your big sister, Kyrie.

Change-

The need for the recreation of me is almost suffocating. I can't pretend I don't hear the constant cry for a new life. I love my life now but change is so unpredictable, you can't control when you might feel this way. I feel no imperfections in my skin and I feel no blood running in my current life but something tells me that an alter-ego would show me something quite beneficial. I don't consider myself to have multiple personalities but there is a time in everyones life when change seems like a good way to go, but the ever constant need to protect the life you had pushes you to reinvent yourself. Weather it be for at home in your room, online, or out in the world. Once the alter-ego is created, it can become a split personality but you would know about it. Name it, control it, and over-all, give it life. So go on and wear those clothes you couldn't walk out of your house with. Put on tons of make-up, wear the too short skirt, put up the hair and make it all your own. Be who you want to be at this moment because there is only today. Don't waste it fearing.

A letter to Karma.

It's true that there are things I hide. It's true that I cry. There are times when I feel worthless, times when facing another day seems so impossible. I try so hard to go through the day, hoping for a miracle. Hoping that my life will get just that much brighter. I hope that the shooting star I wish on will do me a favor. I hope for a day when I don't doubt myself. Minutes turn into hours. Hours into days. Days to months. Months into another year. Still, even after so much time, I never give up hope because I don't want to let go of something so familiar to me. I try so hard not to cry because that just means that another miracle can't come true because I'm spending too much time drying my tears instead of looking for something to be happy about. So why am I so happy all the time? Why am I so against fighting? Why am I trying to fix every one's problems? Because maybe, just maybe, after all this helping and caring, karma will stop being such a bitch and give me a miracle. -2006
Thank you karma for giving me my miracle. I'll take care of his heart for as long as I live.