Dreamers Dream of Dreams.

As if from a dream from long ago, I know this tune. In my mind, I'm dancing with someone I don't even know. I dream up a world all my own where no one can touch me. The bells chime and I know I'm home. These places I go, you'll never know much more of their beauty than what I tell but you can't just describe something like that. You can't paint with your words, just hope the masses know the image. The darkness sets and I'm already gone. You see and hear me yet I'll never be that close to reality again. I've learned from my mistakes that you cannot be too close to the fire without getting burned. So I'll float away in the darkness for a place that's warm, not too hot or cold. I'll dream of all my love taking flight. All the places I go and it's a pity you'll never see them. So a bid you good day and I'll set off now. My friends will think I'm just tired and the people who really care will know I don't want to be touched. I can be happy, I just have to let go. Is that so hard to ask? Please don't question me when I ask you to leave. I'll be going back soon and I don't want anyone to keep me tied down. So I'm keep the glow of all my memories on my heart and I'll float away.

Anything But.

I hardly doubt these stories I hear. I know she's mad. I know he's sad. I know so many things but what do you want me to do? How can I help? Everything I do seems to be wrong. Go have fun. Don't do that. You're having fun wrong. Every single time. Is it so hard to ask that for once I have fun without people on my case? What did I do to deserve this? I've been nothing if not the best I can be for all my friends and you expect me to be perfect? So I don't seem like I'm listening? Why don't you take into consideration that if I can't help, I feel uncomfortable so I try to look around. I'm not good at fixing things so will you stop asking me what you should do? If all you ever give me is stupid metaphors for how to break up with my prince. I try to help, I really do but I don't have any answers you want. So for goodness sake's, just let me be happy. I want to enjoy my life but all these people want be to stop and deal with their drama. It's okay for her to kiss another guy but I can't spend time with my ex-girlfriend? It's okay for them to get wasted but if I fall asleep when I'm tired, I get yelled at. What if I'm done? What if I don't want to deal with all this stress. Everyone has said it before, I'm awesome at making friends so who says that I can't replace all my friends? Nothing is saying I can't just drop all my friends but I stay just so I might one day be able to help with their messed up lives. I've dealt with more than I should have had to deal with. Normal friends shouldn't treat their friend like baggage that's too heavy. Why am I the only one who wants to stand up, throw my hands up and do what I want when I want? Why can't anyone seem to want to draw a line? I'm done with all of this and next time you wonder why I'm gone, I want you to look in the mirror and think of anything you've promised me. Then think about what happened right after that. I'm done waiting for you to try and make it up to me.

Again and Again

It may be all a broken record player. Last time I had a sweet angel to protect me. I need someone here for me to protect me. I need a prince or some element of chaos. I am lost and alone. This may be the end.

Color in a Dark World

As I stand in front of my mirror, I see all I've done to become who I am now. I used to only dress in dark colors. Jeans and a baggy shirt with a dirty hoodie. I had only one friend through that faze of my life. She saw me as someone who needed someone and I saw her as a saving grace. She stayed with me up till I found someone who looked past my looks. On the outside, I looked like someone who wanted to go crawl in a hole. Like I had no purpose. My prince, he was the first person to see the colorful and happy girl I was inside. He showed me a world where no one could hurt me anymore. I needed that. For so long, I was just a target. He made me see the sun light. Made me take in all the colors of the rainbow. He took me in and repaired me. That was something I had always wanted. He gave me hope. Now days, I look at all the colors I dress in and I see how much I've changed. I hold my head high now. All because my prince rode in on his horse and saved me from myself. Back then, I hated going outside, hated people. Now I thrive on everyone I know. He brought me all these new friends. He got me to reach out, not to be scared. He was there when I was scared and there when I wanted to try again. Now I'm on my own and things are getting scary. I don't know what I'm going to do with this life he gave me. He gave me the rainbow and I drank it in. I miss him. Back then, I couldn't let go of his arm and now I can explore but somewhere along the way, I let go of his hand for too long and thought I could stand on my own. It doesn't work like that. It never did. I still need him there but because of how stupid I can be, I made a mistake. I ran away from the hand that has kept me safe all those years. Now I have to deal with it. Why can't I see what's right in front of me? Why can't I understand that he can't always be there. I still need him here to keep me safe. I'm scared and as I look in the mirror, I wonder who I've become. Without him, I'm nothing.

What Was Once There.

There was a time before I was born that my mother was so in love with my father. There was a time before I was born that they were perfect together. All that has changed now. It's like a distant dream to her and I can hardly remember their marriage. I don't remember much from when I was little but I remember the fights. I remember my dad leaving and I remember my mom leaving. I remember the year I spent without her. Everyone told me she was never coming back, that she had left for good. One long day, I came home ready to cry and I remember my mom standing there. I remember her telling me we wouldn't be apart anymore. I remember finally seeing my only mommy again and how happy I was. Since that day, I've grown up so much. She's been telling me more and more about the times I didn't know of before I was born. She's taught me how to get through life and now she's teaching me how to piece together my heart after I was the one who broke it. This lesson will take forever to learn but I know that if she just stays to talk, I can get through this. She knows I'm still in love with my prince, she knows about everything in my life. Now I think back to when she was still in love with my dad, how fast it went downhill. She's telling me what to do, how to be the best person I can be. She's there and I know that.

If Memories Could Kill....

My mind is playing clips from the past, letting me know how idiotic I can be. All those missed moments. Everything I could have done in that time. All the time I could have been with the right people. I wish my prince was here. I wish he could hold me, tell me that the memories can't hurt me here. He would make sure I wouldn't cry in his arms. If I said I loved him, I would be wrong. This love will never leave me, never even try and diminish. I did this, I ruined it and I can't even remember why. I wish I could remember but all I have are these fake letters. Everything I say is worth nothing. I wish I could be more, fix myself but the only time I feel whole is when he whispers how much he still loves me after all I've put him through. But I'm watching these memories flash by as if it was all a distant dream. I can't live like this. I want to pretend that I'll be okay but I know the truth and so do most. My only wish is that he thinks I'm still strong. I hope he thinks that this isn't effecting me. I hope he doesn't learn the truth. I don't want to feel the pain I feel right now knowing that I can't fix this. My sweet prince, if only I could rewind time. All the love I could know is put onto him. All my being. I miss him. I love him. My prince.

Lost Memories

If you fall in love over candy, is it sweet? I once fell in love over candy and it tasted sweet. I always did love the taste of something I had always wished for. He was my prince. So sweet I got a cavity drilled right into my confidence. No matter what he did, I always did doubt myself. It was no one's fault, just my insecurities playing in my head. What was my fault was what I decided to do to try and fix it. I broke his heart over and over again thinking it would be better apart. Well I'm almost always wrong. Every time, I knew I would never be whole without him. Then one day he drew a line and told me we couldn't keep doing this. I had one last chance to prove everything I could be, that I could change. Well I certainly did a bang up job of that. One moment, I'm trying to make it work and the next I'm crying alone. I wish I knew what happened but I don't even remember. So now I'm alone. I wish I knew why but I don't remember. Everyday and night, I run my fingers over the memories, tracing them back through the days. I want to cry but I'm stronger than that.