Is It Wrong To Feel Nothing?

I know my heart is breaking, I know I didn't think this through. I acted without reason and I know some part of me is reacting, but I can't feel a thing. I'm not going to let myself feel this pain again. Shut off all emotions and pray they don't come up at the wrong time. I'll be okay. I've hurt the people I care most about and it seems like I can't do this anymore. I feel like life would be better if not lived by me. I won't lie, there is a part of me that doesn't want to live anymore but I can't give in. I'll keep running from what scares me and keep running from all these emotions. I'll run away.

The Summer Time

In all your life, the things you will remember will be the chances you took and the stupid things you did. So tonight, dance hard and laugh like you're five. After all this, I'm ready to make some mistakes and learn some new things. This feeling, I'm alive again and I missed this so much. Dance, cry, laugh, and have the best night of your life because we only get one chance at this. When you have the friends that make you laugh, do the things that scare you. Don't regret.

Tonight

I don't know what to say or think, don't know how to feel because everything reminds of what I gave up. I don't want to feel this way but I know this is how it should be. The night feels so much colder, the day is too bright and these noises are too loud. I feel like an infected wound, where the slightest breath of air burns against me. I've tried to block it all out but when I do, I can't feel anything because everything is his. A perfect human in a perfect world and I feel like an insect that needs to be killed. He doesn't seem to care and I can't tell what he's hiding. Just feels like I ripped off a limb. It's not impossible to block it out and I guess I could try but deep down I know that everything I do, everything I say, I will think of him.

Let's Keep It Up

Let's keep going, I mean why not? Not like there would be a good reason not to. Unfortunately, that logic requires there to be a reason to keep going and I wish there was. I feel my heart beating, feel the blood running and now I feel like I need to sprint. Need to get away from this world, need to fly off into the blue and gold stars. There's no reason to be mad, there's no reason to be upset but a part of me feels like it should. I'll never understand the human ways. My life going down, I feel swallowed into a sweet lake of sugar. I don't need help, I want to drown. I want to drown.

Alone is a Funny Feeling

All the fingerprints of those who changed me. Like footprints on the moon, no one can take away those feelings. I know the devil doesn't know what he put me through. Angel doesn't know how much he meant. A demon didn't know the hope he gave and a prince didn't know how he saved me. Soon, I will be lost to them. When they leave again, I don't know what I'll do. Every day, I just walk on, foot in front of the other. I have things on my mind and faces in my head. So much has happened and I wonder, am I ready for another summer? Two years ago, my summer turned my life upside down. I learned of the heart racing love of someone who didn't love you. It may seem strange but I miss the feeling. Heart racing, mind blurring infatuation. That must be what drove me off a cliff and honestly, I don't deserve the life I have and I'm not even sure if I want it anymore. I feel like a very heavy heart. When I wake up, I don't see much point in the day. I used to wake up wondering what the day would be. I miss adventure but I like the safety net I have. What would life be like to live on the edge again? I thought the same thing two years ago and I had the best summer. Should I let history repeat itself? And tomorrow, the last of what keeps me going will be gone. I have my human but I wonder when he will see the broken girl I have come to be. I wonder when he'll give up.