The new year

This year has been a fun one, full of things that I have tried document. Everything has been differnt, love tried and questions turned. For this little post, whom ever cares, I shal give a little advice. This year, the one thing I have noticed between me and my mother is that you must allow yourself time to heal after something great. Never be too quick to jump at an oppurtuity when you dont know everything.

His lock

Everything has changed so much in these last days. I love him so and it's true that he has a hold on my heart. We both love each other and that is never to be questioned. I couldn't see myself with another person. My Christmas was spent without him and I wait for the day when he is in my Christmas and he is mine forever.
Merry Christmas

Again

So this happens again. Time repeats it's self, no question. Once again, I have found myself loving another. I can't see how it got to this and I don't know why I would do this to myself, but here I am, holding his hand. Making up excuses to see him. Even when I kiss my own boyfriend, my mind travels to this other guy. All this started because I said hello. I thought he was cute, but I knew I didn't love him. Now, I'm not so sure anymore. Things have been to differnt that I can barely tell which way is up.
Merry Christmas

IF

Hope, for thats all you can do. Even in all our efforts, we can do nothing but hope. When the dream comes true, thats when we can say we prayed or we knew it would happen. But you know that all you did was hope.

Simple words, powerful punch.

He sat there, his head to my chest, and he closed his eyes. "I'm going to miss this," He says. I look down at him. "What?" I ask and he opens his sweet eyes. "I'm going to miss your heartbeat." He closes his eyes once more. Oh how I loved him so. "Who says that it will go away? I don't plan to die soon." His smile turns as he hears these words. "But I am such a burden on you. Right now, instead of looking after me, you could be doing something else. I'm full of problems. I'm just a burden." How could he think this? Why would I want to be anywhere else? The only place I would ever want to be is in his arms. It's my happy place. I couldn't see myself with anyone else and I truly love him. He is everything to me. I love him. His life I love helping. His problems, I love hearing. Everything about him is perfect. I couldn't be with another person.

Flaws

In our hearts we all hold flaws. These flaws make us human. Our flaws, our seacrets. Each one of us has one. Even myself, the gaurd of the book and the love of a newcommer, have these flaws. I have many seacrets. I never want that to ever come inbetween my loves and me.

Nighttime fears

The days seem to crawl by, leaving no hint of ever ending. It's only on these nights where I can sent seacret messages to my lover. Tonight, as I am on a time limit, I cannot talk to him though I wish I could. I would help this isolation be easier. My presence in this house has proven to be problematic in the least. The past fills my head and the moon rises slowly. The year is going to end soon and everything that has happened will be locked away in our memories. How I wish I could freaze time and spend those days with him. I want us to be together when I'm scared. How I cannot wait for the day when I can call him mine.

6 days.

Thanksgiving weeks. In school, it was already planned to have a short week but after Monday, my school never reopened. Thus, for the past two days, I have been alone. I haven't the chance to see my love. My mind is slowly going deeper into depression and my physical state has gone downhill. It has gotten harder and harder to hide my despair from my family. My love, how I miss him. As my emotions spiral out of control, Emily brings her rage. She is cut off from the one person who can give her what she wants. As being with a house full of girls torments her, she becomes enraged. Now with every argument proposed, she yells and screams. Both of us are going insane. I may have lived with these people for the last few months but I have always had a way out. Soon, I fear Emily may take matters into her own hands. Though I don't find that much problem in leaving home, I know that there will be problems and I cannot deal with them. I hope that I will see my love soon.

Pain in it's devilish form

Our love, mine and Emily's love. How much they differ but I fear she has gained too much control from the last encounter with my lover. She took over and kissed, he lost himself and soon our relation was changed. I fear to see him. What if his love has changed from the innocent fancy it used to be? I don't want to deal with the after effect of Emily's love. She was the one who killed my relationship. How I loath her, and as for him, how could he have not stopped? How can he not tell when I am not myself? He fell in love with me! Emily was the result of my kiss. She has laid dorment for most of my life and now she re-enters life. When he left, she was cold and deathy. Longing for love and now that he has returned, she has let loose her full power. I fought as best as i could for control but she has me lost in my own mind. Just kill this hate. Kill her. Rip her out of my mind before this gets out of hand, again.

Dancing on hopes

The snows falls on an icy patch just outside my home. Two people with great love for each other stand with inches of the other. Their eyes willed with passion as they say goodbye. They share a kiss and part with out any further word. She stands there and watches him walk away. She wishes so much to follow him home, to stay with him for the rest of her life. He wants so badly to turn around and watch as she walks inside her home. He loves her more than anyother girl in the world. They both part, both wanting to see the other, both loveing blindly. How refreshing to see a couple with few lies and hate. How sweet. Unfortunatly, that is not our story. There are lies, there are regrets. One thing remains the same, the couple in this story want to spend forever together. Will they?

Love the tears you cry

As this story comes to an end, the chapters never seem to stop. As the princess disappeared to her princes home, I too have moved on and away. My love for the princess is nothing but a fond memory of the past. The new lover I have come to know as my prince, left on a journey across countries to seek family help. As he tells me he loves me, I can tell in his eyes that he is telling the truth. He really loves me. He showers me with kisses everyday and while he is gone, he tells me about our future. He wants to make our love forever, to marry me. As our age limits us, he has vowed to wait and as soon as he can, he wants to get married to me and have a child. As we embrace, once more the Emily rushes at the chance to take over. I kiss deeper and my hands slide every so slightly under his shirt. Quickly my morals fight back and i gain control. i make up some random excuse and leave it at that. I know this problem is getting worse as each days goes by. Now as we don't see each other, Emily is suffering with all her pent up "love" as she calls it. Her eyes wander around the room, wanting to make the same mistake as before. She wants to pick out the guys she likes and have them all rush at her with love but luckily, she hasn't the chance. All she can do is stand and watch as they pass by. She won't take control of my life.

Hate

I still think back to the kiss shared three years ago. I think back to that sad day. I think back to the day when I first met the devil. She is still in my life but I know she still wants more. Her hateful glares that scream at me. how I want to forget her face forever. I want her to go away. I hate her for she has made me regret my life. She tricked me until she had her way. now I want to hurt her. I want her to die. I hate her. She killed me with lust. She took control of my life in ten minutes and now the bruises remind me that it wasn't my love like I had told myself. I told myself that he was there, doing those things. I screamed his name but when i opened my eyes, it was her. I had been fooled. I could I have let myself be sucked into it. Why was I so stupid. I hate her for now I know that I am no longer myself. I want her to go away. I want her to stop talking, stop looking at me, stop killing me slowly. Now the time has come. I shall give her a taste of hell. The devil needs to go back and leave me alone. Three years i have dealed with this crap and now it's too late. I will rid myself of her.

When Love is convused.

I'm in heaven when he kisses me. Sent from above, this man I have fallen for has taken me to dark place in my mind I never knew exsisted. This new part is full of lust and passion but is it for him? The princess I have loved for so long, fill in my head as his hand slipped under my shirt. I pushed him away, why would she be here after she has been gone for so long? I kissed another, I wanted another, but I cannot survive without him. As my mind goes deeper into the mysteries of my newly uncovered self, My mind acts on it first thoughts. My love was a series of kisses that seemed to all scream lust. As my body fell into pure undieing pools of red, my hands fell over his arms, my lips on his, my brain in a dark corner blocking this all out for this is not the gaurd you love, this is a woman older and more powerful than myself. This is the introduction to Emily. She takes my time with my new love and steals him into a swirl of evil kisses that spin into bites and scraches. Everytime though I am able to take control and stop the maddness before it goes to far. It makes me wonder when will the day come that she won't let me back? When she takes my love into her grasp and doesn't let him stop till she is done. When will the day come when a mental war starts in my head to take control of my own body. When will I lose, when will I wake up one day with him next to me? When will I lose myself to myself. When that day peaks its head over the hill, I will try to win.

Done

I have made my choice. The princess gave me what I wanted, she gave me the reassurance that I would never leave her mind. All i wanted is for her to know that I would always be with her when she needed. in the end I chose the boy. I didn't know why at first but now I know what it feels like to be loved. Even if everything is new i can get used to it. My new lover is what I needed. But soon new events will force me to part from the two. How will i keep up my love without a sight of either?

The battle

I shall now return to my place as guard captain but as I have ventured across lands I have looked back on my life. The princess, dancing in my dreams and forever more just a forbidden friend and the lonely boy whom is enchanted with thoughts of me. Both so needed in my life but one cannot be with me without the other gone forever. I have walked the middle road for so long and it has done nothing but tear my heart between the two. Now the time has come where I must choose one over the other. But whom will it be? I don't know if I can decide.

I dont

I don't want to let her fly away, i don't want her to leave. I want her to embrace me forever and keep me smileing. She thinks that I make her feel better but it's the warmth of our arms together that she feels. I need her more than she needs me. I want her to hold me close and never let go. I dont want to leave never.

The world

When you need me, I won't be here. When you want me I will leave. When you're mad at me I'll be right there with you to make things better. I am yet just a soul and I can't fix everything. like any other person in the world I have no sense of right and wrong and I take things for granted, but as time moves on I start to think about everything as a whole and how everything has changed. I have yet to catch the princess, let go of my prince, and save the world but to be honest, what life would be complete with out your number 1 problem that you can't solve. Everything isn't what it's meant to be and when it is it won't be right.

Another break in the mirror

I run through a maze, nothing to look forward to, nothing to go back to yet I keep running as if time is running out. The sand keeps falling and I keep slipping into nowhere. The princess and the affair at two different ends of the maze. If one is lost, the mirror breaks forever, only to be repaired by tape. To choose the princess means I must battle my way to the title of prince and have her crown me hers but if I choose the other then my life will forever be uncertain. Leading into the dark with no light. Should I give up and keep with the middle road that leads in one circle forever back to the same two roads? Until then I won't know.

Broken, shattered and killed

She passes day by day, telling me of her world of dresses and kings but she has yet to side with a prince. With the forbidden prince by her side I fear the kingdom may fall under a demon. I sit to the side, telling little unwanted stories hoping she will get the message that her guard has no heart for she holds it. But Now a new chapter has arisen and the plot is twisted far more. A price has eyes for the guard and how can she react but to let him take her. In her state of mind, no one cares and the world falls to ruin with ring of promise. The guard's mother is going through her own hell and cannot steer her daughter through the mess. The mothers prince lies on a bed full of roses and all mother can do is pray he can win against his demons and open his eyes before the line drops. The guard is caught between her love loving another, a price loving herself, and her mother being miles away. How will she survive or will she take her own life. The chapter is still being written and the story will soon come to a climax.

Last day for a week.

Thinking back on today, I see why I mistaken for something else. The banners went up and the screams let lose as the games began. My finger bleeds and I can't help thinking that she is out there without me. Shall she get home saftly? Shall she call me? My right hand man assures me that things are okay but my mother says differntly. With the long walk over, she screems just to show how she cares. I try to contact my fair maiden but alas, she never picks up. The day nears an end and not even my knight comes to save me from my thoughts. With a knife in hand and a bag ready, I wish to duel to the end with him.
I say, fair maiden, if you happen to be reading then I wish to you a million roses, every bit a beautiful as you. Just call me back, let me into your life and let me hold you tighly to fill my own void. Let me kiss your rosey cheeks and let my skin touch yours. Just let me into your life.
KMS

The last month or so

Okay, I just want to say that I know I haven't been on and if anyone care then please let me know. Anyway, I'll give you all what you want.
Today the princess and I went to go and watch a tournament. The whole game was fair and just but I know how things have been. See, my old prince left me and I was quite happy but I couldn't live with myself knowing that he wasn't okay so I took my brain out and but it on the side. Thus I am back with him but that stills leaves the princess with her stupid prince. Her and her prince got in a fight last moon about family. The princess was noble and just about her home while the princes had nothing but poison to spill about the fair maiden's home life. I had to sit back because once more, she is not mine to save. The princess did say one thing that perked my ears. "Dear knight, you have fought so sweetly but I am bound to my prince. If I ever escape my bond then I will be yours for the run." I am now in this fight for her but what to do about my own prince whom will not leave me for another.

That girl 5

This evening is spent alone with nothing more than a book. I keep reading but when shall I stop? The princess is out there and she is with others whom I wish she never knew. It bugs me that she has not called but I keep a hopeful look and hope my lips will meet hers once more. I hope she will run into my arms and smile brightly but that is too much to ask. Isn't it?

That Girl 4

Alas, another bit of time with her is taken. I am only grateful that i was able to spend the small little bit with her pretending to be one of them. I went hrough that day happy with the chance to be with her even if I wasn't alone. I still wish I could have shared my first fight with her.

My Dream 2

The fair maiden was taken by one of my dear friends. She rode her horse to the maiden and scooped her out of my reach. I couldn't help but cry for who knows what the blond thief did to her. I couldn't call for the thief would come to my house at night. I couldn't go over for the guards would have thrown me out so I sat in my room waiting for a call but no ring.
The next day I stay away from the school yard for my head felt weak and my blood was low. I was about to faint and so I won't have a chance to tell the thief to never do that act again but no doubt she will tell the maiden a different story and I will lose her forever. What shall I do to keep the two apart? Can I ever have her all to myself?

My dream. 1-11-2010

She rides the waves so gracfully, it's no wonder why everyone loves her. With her short black hair and shining brown eyes, it's a wonder how they don't stop and drool over her.
She smiles sweetly with white teeth that blind me. I smile back nicly and keep walking. Even if I wish to turn, I'm late for class. I walk in through the class door and sit at my seat, then comes the girl and sits next to me. She smiles nicely and says "Hello, my name is Neoin Himatori, how-do-you-do?" I tell her my name and so it began. Since that day I have been under her spell and what a spell it is.