Change-

The need for the recreation of me is almost suffocating. I can't pretend I don't hear the constant cry for a new life. I love my life now but change is so unpredictable, you can't control when you might feel this way. I feel no imperfections in my skin and I feel no blood running in my current life but something tells me that an alter-ego would show me something quite beneficial. I don't consider myself to have multiple personalities but there is a time in everyones life when change seems like a good way to go, but the ever constant need to protect the life you had pushes you to reinvent yourself. Weather it be for at home in your room, online, or out in the world. Once the alter-ego is created, it can become a split personality but you would know about it. Name it, control it, and over-all, give it life. So go on and wear those clothes you couldn't walk out of your house with. Put on tons of make-up, wear the too short skirt, put up the hair and make it all your own. Be who you want to be at this moment because there is only today. Don't waste it fearing.

A letter to Karma.

It's true that there are things I hide. It's true that I cry. There are times when I feel worthless, times when facing another day seems so impossible. I try so hard to go through the day, hoping for a miracle. Hoping that my life will get just that much brighter. I hope that the shooting star I wish on will do me a favor. I hope for a day when I don't doubt myself. Minutes turn into hours. Hours into days. Days to months. Months into another year. Still, even after so much time, I never give up hope because I don't want to let go of something so familiar to me. I try so hard not to cry because that just means that another miracle can't come true because I'm spending too much time drying my tears instead of looking for something to be happy about. So why am I so happy all the time? Why am I so against fighting? Why am I trying to fix every one's problems? Because maybe, just maybe, after all this helping and caring, karma will stop being such a bitch and give me a miracle. -2006
Thank you karma for giving me my miracle. I'll take care of his heart for as long as I live.

A love so sweet it gives me cavities.

A love that I cannot be without. Something that stops my heart at a glance and a heart attack every kiss. No matter how long someone is together, the beauty of that kind of fulfillment never ceases to amaze. In a world where true love is so hard to come by, it's nice to see people that have been together for 40+ years. Watch them and you'll see that true love isn't just a feeling. True love expressed so many years later. To find the old self and beauty in the new face, it takes power beyond god-like. It takes the power of the heart. Seeing every side of a person, tears, smiles, and pain, and still wanting to solve every problem. Arguments never turning into fights and fights never lasting long. Going through each day knowing that you have someone who cares that much. It's not just holding hands, it's a job and if you really love them, it's a job that comes without effort. It all that we need to live. My love, something I wanted for so long, is perfect and I hope it never ends. My love, so sweet it gives me cavities.

Remind me why I love you so....

So many faces, so many words. Scared and alone. It causes people to do stupid things. I never ment for any harm to come to anyone and the one person hurt was me. So I fixed the change, took it upon myself to voice my view. So when I saw his face, I remembered why I loved him so. His kisses that hold my very being. That day, he was there right when i needed him and I know I'm never really alone. I won't lose him because of my problems and I refuse to lose him because I was being stupid. I won't lose him. I won't endure that pain again. Forever I will love him. Forever until the end of time. I will not lose him. He makes me smile like the sun. Dancing around and forgetting how to breath. Tis true, love has taken my heart and I hope it never lets go.

Something, Nothing, Everything

Essence of love, it's nothing to be compared. We try and try to define the untiring, eternal perfection that awakens even the most concealed people from their deep slumber. It's a the chance to live your live as it was meant to be. A chance to turn everything around. When we don't have the power to pick ourselves up, there is someone there to hold us close as we get up. Nothing is anything without a reason for it to be here. The ultimate reason is simply love. It's the reason they hold hands, the reason we kiss, the reason we all could just look into the other's eyes and stay that way. Sleeping under the night air, make-out sessions at dawn, and those ever-lasting words "I love you" are all reasons to live. Look for the love in life, the rainbow in the storm, and the joy in all the pain. Look for something in live to make everything worth living for or else there is nothing to live for. Don't be afraid, it's all there, just look.

Everything he has done for me.

It's hard to explain the love I have for him. The only way I could really put, with any amount of truth, would be a sign that there may be a being looking after me. I felt so alone before we met and even after we became friends, I was still stuck in a soul-crushing spiral of my love for my princess. He asked me out and I hesitantly said yes. I figure that was the only sane moment in that part of my life. He has done nothing but let me see outside these blood-covered walls. He opened my eyes past the world filled with my princess. At first, I hated him for doing such a thing to me but now I see how much better it has made my life. I am no longer afraid of the things that lay outside my door. I no longer feel a deep gash in my heart. He has healed me more than she ever could. If only I could have seen this sooner. She still holds a special place in my heart but he owns the rest of my heart. He know my whole world, my problems and my pains, and yet he never hesitates to say "I love you". Everything he has made my life, everything he has made me, is a work of art. He wants me to fly the skies I never knew before. he wants me to live my life and I hope to live everyday of that life with him. I can't imagine what my life would be like without him and everyday, I gaze into his ever-changing eyes and it reminds me of how privileged it is to be with someone so great. I love him, forever.

Lovers day again

Just last year, I was giving her choclate covered strawberries. Just last year, i was spending the day talking to her. Listening to her every word. Just last year, I had her. She was mine. Now, she's gone. She left. She's not comming back. I wish I could still be there for her. I wish I had tried to get into her high school. I wish I tried harder to keep her with me. Time change so fast, you barely have time to say goodbye.
Goodbye Neoin Hinamori,
I'm still here, waiting.

Horrible Pain

I've done something, something horrible. I know it was for the best but it hurts. It hurts more than any other choice I have ever made. I gave up the one I love. i wish i hadn't, I wish I could take it back but I know it wouldn't be right. He needs to live without me. He needs to let go of me because I won't be there. I can't take back all the pain but I can try and end it. When he realises that I was right, he will smile in my memory and move on with someone so much better. I just wish I could be the person he needs. I wish I could be the person to make his life better. I want to be the band aid over the cut, not the knife that started the whole mess.

Midnight moonlight

This world of mine is ever so small. The is nothing that can make me forget the things I have done. The promises I've broken, the pain I have put myself through. I am far from perfect and it shows in my past. I am just a scared girl. I have never done anything brave. Many times I have wanted to run away, run from everything but I never had anywhere to go. Everything has gone by in my life and I look back noticing how I never did anything to change my own future. I have never stepped forward in my life and claimed something for myself. I have never tried anything new and I feel the pain today. Just looking back, I never had the nerves to do much but when I did something, I was proud that I did. Things from years ago still bring joy to my life. Things that I never thought would matter, those are the things that have remained the same even through the harsh time. Bringing myself to admit my mistakes and asking for more than just a simple 'hi' in the morning. My best friend was from an apology after a wrong doing. My love came from telling him to sit next to me. Small times like that have helped me even three years later. I know nothing seems to matter right now but at I look back, It's true what they say. Live, Laugh, and love like you never have. It's those small moments that make a life so much better.

Never ending death

he holds my hand and I can feel my heart stop. When I see his smile, I find myself smiling too. He has done everything for me yet I have kept his life on a string. It kills me that he might leave. I kills me to know that I only have a few short years left with my sweet. It kills me to see him without me holding his hand. Everything about him murders me yet that is why I love him so. I love him for the reality he gives my life and for the uncertanty he gives me. He is everything in my life and the knife that cuts it apart.