Again and Again

I've been happy recently. That's a good way to start things off. I've been enjoying my life and how it's been going. Things aren't perfect but they never were. I've just been happy.

Though, I'm not going to lie. I was thinking about you a few nights ago and it hit me hard. I cried again. I wonder how many tears I'm going to shed for you. Thinking about you just sucks away all of my strength, all my will to go on. Every time I think of you, it's like being shot by a sniper. All the pain from before comes back in a short bullet through my chest. You're not even reading these, you're not even worth it. Why do I even care anymore? You don't care about me and I'm starting to wonder if you ever did.

Do you remember when we were everything together? God Dammit! I know I messed it up but for one moment, can we not think about that? For one moment, can we think about how it used to be? The snow, the winter, you were perfect. I saw you drunk on that couch and that wasn't you. Where did you go? Did you leave me forever? You tried to hurt her, you said such horrible things. Have I been in love with the wrong you? Please tell me this is new because I don't know if I could stand to know you've always been like this. Since when did holding me make you cringe? Since when did I become your rival? I can't love you anymore. I've come to terms that you're not the same person I fell in love with.

All I want is to see a glimpse of the love I lost, the man I kissed, the boy I loved so deeply it cut into my soul. For one night, I want to hear you say my name again. Like you used to.