It's Not Fucking Okay

I couldn't keep him happy. There had to be a reason behind it. I just want to die. The only person who ever loved me has turned his back. Who told him it was okay to leave me? I can't keep going on. Who does he think he is? He's not worth it. I'll scream into the sky. He doesn't deserve me but I need him. I want him. I want to see him, hear his voice. I want to walk away forever, never look back. When did I fucking ask for this? I'm broken, I'm hurt. I don't want to be here. I want to be there. Fucking call me! At least tell me to fuck off! All I want is to hear that voice. I want to held again. The beard, the arms, the spiral, the hands, the eyes. I want it all back. After everything I've been through, all I've done for him and yet, he can't hear me crying. He won't hear me. Dammit! Fuck off! Stop killing and give me something to fix. Give me something to hang onto. Fucking anything. I don't deserve this. I need him. Need to talk to him, need a hug. Jesus I am not okay without him.